All bodies are good bodies: The Phenomenal Me Charity Photobook Project

I have launched a fundraiser for my 'Phenomenal Me' Charity Photobook Project (www.gofundme.com/phenomenalme). 

The idea is to produce a photo book that celebrates body diversity and the myriad definitions of beauty that mainstream media tends to ignore. The book would feature everyday people celebrating their bodies and embracing the unique parts of themselves that society often tells them they should embarrassed about. It will showcase people celebrating the skin they're in and participating in activities (like pole dancing, hoop, aerial, etc) that so many people just like them are reluctant to try because they are too ashamed of their bodies. The book is about reclaiming our bodies and the right to love and be proud of them, JUST AS THEY ARE.

The money raised from the sale of the book will be donated to a charity that helps people with eating disorders.

The following break down explains how the funds raised will be used:

1) Studio rental - 2 days x $149 = $298 (there is a third day of shooting booked but I covered those costs)

2) Lunch and refreshments on set - $120

3) Hairstylist services for models - $30 x 29 = $870 (models have kindly offered to pay for their own makeup ($36-40 per person) so that more money goes to the project itself)

4) Printing - $2400 (for 100 copies) 

5) Book Launch - $1200 (not final):  
- $400-$500: location rental
- $400: band/DJ booking
- $300: alcohol and snacks

6) Cover artwork- $395

7) Incidentals- $1150

TOTAL: $6433

 This project is LGBTQ-friendly and will be inclusive of people of different races, abilities, beliefs, cultures, etc. Feel free to contact me for more information through GoFundMe.

The important thing to note about this project is that it is not only trying to raise funds for people living with eating disorders, many of the individuals modelling for the photobook have dealt with/still delaing with body image issues as well. Their bravery in revealing parts of themselves they don't always love to a society that has taught them not to love those parts is amazing to see. Hopefully, this will encourage other people to embrace their bodies, head to toe, as well.

(NB- This books may contain some tasteful nudity. It you find nudity in a non-sexual context offensive, then this campaign's not for you. And more's the pity, if that is the case.)

If you'd like to donate or help spread the word, here's the link to the GoFundMe page:

www.GoFundMe.com/phenomenalme

"Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first." - Kathleen's Final Inspirational Post

When I started writing these posts, I expected it to be a challenge. I was right on that front, but it ended up being for a different reason than I’d anticipated; while I’d expected it to be hard by virtue of it being a personal topic—it’s hard to expose your insecurities, pointing them out for others to see and potentially to judge—I struggled the most to articulate what I dislike about my body, in part because I’ve come to realize that I really don’t hate my body the way I once did. My body image certainly isn’t perfect, but even the parts that I do sometimes fixate on or that I am insecure about—like my thighs and my belly—do not cause me nearly the same level of distress that they used to. 

Overall, it’s been an interesting experience trying to put my relationship with my body into words. Despite the challenges of it, it’s a topic that I could continue to explore and discuss probably nearly indefinitely because it continues to shift and evolve and because it’s so strongly entwined with so many other aspects of my life, impacting how I associate with the world and the people around me.

But I think we’d all become exhausted if I did talk about it indefinitely.  So, for now, this will be my last post on the subject, and it’s going to be just a little different than the previous ones. I mentioned above that I don’t hate my body the way I once did, and while I could still tell you about my dislike for the fat that hangs out over my ribs and always creates a roll there, or how I feel self-conscious when people find out how big my feet are (size 11, and yes I do sometimes wear men’s shoes), I’d much rather tell you about all of the little things I love about myself, so I’m going to do just that.

Success # 4 (and beyond) – Loving the little things (… a partial list)

I love my eyes, with their navy ringed irises and how they shift from bright blue to nearly grey depending on the light.

I like my dorkiness and the fact that by and large I’ve learned to embrace it rather than shy away from it. I love that it has resulted in a strange depth of random knowledge.

I’ve come to realize that many of my favourite pictures of myself are ones where the dorkiness shines through.

I love my hair and its curly waviness—it’s temperamental, but it’s beautiful.  Not unlike the rest of me.

I love how far I can point my toes.

I like my bum. It might be big, but it’s round and high and it looks fantastic in a pair of jeans. In fact, I rather like it because it’s big.

I love that I’m learning to live by my mom’s motto of “say yes more often” when it comes to trying new things. And I love that I keep people on their toes because this has left me with a strange variety of hobbies and interest.

There was a time when I would never have even considered trying something like the CN Tower EdgeWalk.

I love the muscle definition that is beginning to appear in my back, shoulders, and arms.

I like the fact that I have the Zorzella nose: the same nose that my dad had and that my brother and many of my cousins also have. (I may not always love how wide it is, but I adore the fact that it’s a family trait).

Not a perfect picture comparison, but it’s still clear that I take after my dad.

I love my dimples. They make me feel adorable.

I love the shape of my lips, and that I’ve recently discovered how awesome wearing lipstick makes me feel.

I love how strong I’m getting, and how many more things I am capable of now than it was even six months ago, and I cannot wait to find out what I will become capable of in the next six.

This picture looks celebratory to me, and that’s pretty much how I feel about being able to do things like this!

"Show me your friends, and I'll tell you who you are." - Kathleen's Story (Part 3)

Struggle #3 – Blemishes

My skin has many blemishes of all kinds. Some of them don’t bother me, like the handful of chicken pox scars left over from when I was little or the silvery stretch marks zigzag over my hips and the tops of my thighs—they used to bother me, back when they were angry red and people, upon seeing them, would ask if I’d been scratched, but they really don’t any more.

 My stretch marks stopped bothering me a long time ago.

But some of the blemishes do bother me. Like the cellulite on my thighs that’s been there as long as I can remember, or the acne that still constantly mars my skin at 25.

In my last post I discussed my struggles with my legs, but the one thing I didn’t mention is cellulite. To be honest, I think I’d still hate it if it were on any other part of my body—in fact, while I quite like my bum, I can guarantee that I hate the cellulite there—but the fact that it sits heavy on thighs that I already don’t love, well, that just makes me less inclined to ignore it. I hate the lumpy unevenness of it, the way it puckers and dimples my skin. Most of the time I find it easy enough to ignore, but I know I sometimes make concessions to it, avoiding certain cuts of shorts, or the one pole in class that I know is lit at an angle that highlights every lump and bump.

I’m uncomfortable with the visible unevenness of my thighs, even without the help of really unflattering light.

The worst part about cellulite is not really what it looks like at all, though. It’s the fact that it feels like it brands me somehow. I know that neither fitness nor youth are guarantees against cellulite, but it is hard not to feel that its residence on my thighs brands me as being out of shape and as not having the body expected of a twenty-something: that it somehow marks my body as being less perfect than it is meant to be given my age.

Acne, on the other hand—which shows up on my face, but is worst on my chest, shoulders, and back—makes me feel like a teenager. It feels like something I am meant to have outgrown by now, and I dislike that in many ways it marks the state of my life on my skin. In particular, it is obvious from the state of my skin when I am going through a period of stress or unhappiness.

I know lots of people would hardly consider this acne at all, but I’m incredibly self-conscious about it!

Inevitably, the more red welts that appear, the more stressed I become and the less self-confident I feel, to the point where, on occasion, I've avoided wearing the outfits that usually make me feel the best because I know I’m not going to feel as good as I’d like to in them. I try not to let my occasional discomfort over any part of my body—be it my belly, my thighs, or my acne—keep me from doing or wearing the things I want, and while I certainly don’t always succeed, I like to think I’m making progress and letting these things hold me back less than they once did.

Success #3 – Friends

Did you know that obesity is considered to be “socially contagious”? This is because we typically adopt the habits—good and bad—of those around us, so whether your friends love eating fast food or whether they’re gym rats (or both), you’re likely to pick up at least some of their habits.

For me this has certainly been true. I’m not saying to ditch the friend with the love of fries (I am that friend) if you’re trying to lose weight, but for me, at least, having a group of people who have habits I admire, who can do the things I want to learn to do, or who share my love of something has been huge. Those are the people who encourage me constantly, who help me push myself, and who inspire me to try new things in all aspects of my life, and so those people have been indispensable in helping me to become comfortable and confident in myself.

I've been lucky enough to have multiple groups of amazing people who fill this role in my life, and I am especially lucky that those who I initially knew only at the gym have now become people I call friends. Now, I am constantly motivated to go to pole class, not only because I love it, but also because there is accountability, and, even more than that, because there is a social aspect that I miss when I am not there.

Chatting out after Saturday pole class—this happens almost every week, and I love it. (Pic credit: @Brassvixens Instagram!)

When I am in class, this group supports me, believes in me, helps me, and cheers me on when I accomplish something new—and still manages to make me feel good about myself when I am frustrated at not landing that new move. 

In addition to that, these are people who, simply by being their adventurous and fun-loving selves, have given me so many opportunities to do and try things that I might not have otherwise—from going to high tea to like joining an axe-throwing league and playing archery tag. Things like axe throwing and archery tag may or may not be things I ultimately excel at, but for someone who has always been fairly reserved and nervous about trying new things, it is a huge accomplishment to be trying at all.

Sadly I have thus far failed to get a picture with the lovely ladies who are in the league with me, so here’s an action shot instead!

So maybe obesity is contagious, but there are so many other things that are too, and I've found that surrounding myself with amazing people, well, it might not necessarily make me amazing by association, but it certainly helps.

"Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you." - Kathleen's Story Part 1

I met Kathleen last year during one of my first pole transitions classes. I kinda sucked, she definitely didn't. I admired her fearlessness and confidence on the pole, and I looked forward to the day that I could exude the same. I asked for volunteers for a body positive charity project I am currently putting together and Kathleen eagerly stepped up. I was thrilled to have her and even more excited when she agreed to do a series of blog posts about her self-love journey. I relate to her first post and I hope some of you will too. Many thanks to Kathleen for sharing this side of herself with us.

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"Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you." - Kathleen's Story Part 1

Body image and self-esteem are funny things. It’s odd that it’s possible to love the big picture—to love yourself—but to still have parts of yourself that you’re uncomfortable with, or in some case even things that you hate. For me, it’s been a long process even to get to the point of loving myself in a broader sense.  I’ve always been seen as a little odd.  I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember, and whether I like it or not, my sense of self has been strongly impacted by these things. In school, I was made fun of for my weight. In middle and high school, I often was the biggest girl in my group of friends, relegated to shopping at stores targeted at grown women rather than teenage girls. I was demoralized by my lack of athleticism and inability to keep up with friends, classmates, and the expectations of gym class. For a long time, these things resulted in an intensely negative body image.

Me in high school (after my senior prom—hence the fancy hair and necklace with sweats!)

Things have changed a lot since then, and though I’ve learned to love myself fiercely—to own my oddness, and to appreciate my body for what it does for me and what it allows me to do—like most people, I still have a laundry list of things that I’m self-conscious about. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be writing a series of posts, each looking at one thing about my body that I still struggle to love and one thing that has contributed to my positive self-image—whether it’s a part of my body I’m particularly proud of or an activity that has helped me learn to love myself. I hope that by sharing some part of this constant journey, reconciling these disparate halves will become just a little bit easier. 

Struggle #1 – The Paunch

I’m going to start with one of the areas that most commonly causes insecurity: the belly. For me, it’s the lower tummy paunch in particular that I am self-conscious of, and that I do my best to keep contained under jeans (no super low rise here!) and spandex-laden workout clothes.

The dreaded paunch is visible from all angles

Even in pole class, where I’m generally comfortable in the booty shorts and sports bras that are standard fare, I often find myself looking in the mirror and tugging at the waistband of my shorts, trying to position it just so in order to flatten out and hide as much evidence of the paunch as possible, even though much of the rest of my body is on display.

I’ve done sit-ups and crunches of all sorts, and have made my abs sore more times than I can count in an effort to flatten my stomach (and yes, I know you can’t target fat loss that way, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried­) and obviously it has never succeeded the way I’d wanted it to. Though I have lost some of the belly I once had, I still dream of having that perfectly flat stomach that has been idealized in movies and magazines. I still stare in the mirror, sucking in my stomach and poking at pudge that I find there, uncomfortable with the idea of what other people think of my stomach, even though I now realize that most people probably do not notice or care.

Even then, I find my stomach hard to come to terms with. It’s easier to find benefits for the size of other parts of my body: my sizeable butt looks fantastic in jeans, and the extra weight on my thighs helps with the grip necessary to land many pole moves. But my stomach still mostly feels like unnecessary weight, just hanging out there and disrupting the line of my shirt or spilling over the waistband of my pants, and I haven’t quite figured out how to love it yet, though I hold out hope that one day I will.

Success #1 – Exercise

I know, I know, exercise is an obvious choice, but it has made a huge difference in my life and in how I look at myself. Exercise has not come easily to me. In high school, I hated gym class, and I’ve always struggled to find physical activities that I enjoy, though I’ve tried everything from yoga to softball, and martial arts to dance. In part, my lack of engagement has always been fear of judgement or failure, but it was also a matter of finding what inspires me. In my case, that’s pole dancing.

I feel most at home in my body when upside down.

I first tried pole on a whim—I’d moved home again after university and was unemployed and bored, looking for something new to try. I signed up for a 6 week session of beginner pole dancing, and even though I struggled with many of the moves even in those basic classes, I fell in love with it almost instantly.

These days I pole dance about three days a week, and on days when I don’t go to pole, I often do yoga with my roommate or go to GoodLife with coworkers. For someone who so long struggled to find the motivation to work out at all, it is a strange twist that somewhere along the way, going to the gym has become a routine and a refuge in many ways. I become restless when I go too many days without working out, I find that dancing it out in pole class or working up a sweat on an elliptical helps burn off frustration, and after working out I feel stronger and more in tune with my body.

I once thought that losing weight would be what made me love my body, and I’m not going to lie and say that the weight loss and overall toning that has happened as a result of exercise hasn’t helped my body image, because it undoubtedly has. It has helped me feel more comfortable in my body, and allowed me to feel less like I stand out only due to my size, which I often felt in high school. But the reality is that it is the other effects of exercise that I have found to make the most difference in my body image: exercise has helped me to realize my strengths—quite literally—and given me opportunities to work on my weaknesses and to overcome long-held fears about failure and not being able to keep up. It is these things, much more than weight loss, that have helped me to appreciate what my body can do and to keep pushing myself to improve.

"Love yourself for who you are, and forget about who you are not. - Cassie Parks": Michymi's Story

Michelle is one of those rare gorgeous and talented women whose presence doesn't intimidate. She is humble, a pleasure to be around and will always lift you up when you're down. I am in constant awe of her. Please take a minute to read and share her beautiful story. 

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"I recently read "The A-List" in your Summer 2010 issue. I've had past boyfriends who have never really commented on or made a big deal about how small my breasts are - they are probably a bit less than an A-cup. And I'm OK with my little boobs too. But I started seeing this guy who's into a more buxom figure, and he suggested I should look into implants in the future. I was pretty offended at the time, but I thought about it more and more and was almost convinced that I should someday enhance them. But after reading the article, I felt empowered to keep my original stance because I like my body the way it is. So thank you, Joanne [Farrell], for writing such a truthful piece. I hope it had the same effect on other women in my position. Oh, and he apologized for being insensitive, in case you were wondering."

I wrote this little letter (above) to Fashion magazine in 2010 and it was featured in the October issue. I was about to turn 21 at the time. How exciting to have something I wrote shared with thousands, if not millions, of women across Canada! I held onto this story for a very long time, and I still carry it with me as what some might call "emotional baggage". I'm not particularly fond of this memory, but it's a very important one. It was one of the first times I really felt confident in myself and trusted my own instincts. Not only that, but I realized that I should trust myself more often.

Whenever someone says, "Don't let it bother you" or "Just forget about it", it's always easier said than done. Things that others say, especially those you trust and care about, can really strike deep down in parts that you may not be aware of. The actual words he spoke were, "You'd be perfect if your boobs were a little bigger". When I heard them, we were sitting in a restaurant having lunch. I sat across the table trying to stay calm and feeling slightly offended, saddened, and embarrassed. He didn't immediately realize the impact of his words and only after a very quiet second half of lunch did he realize he'd done something wrong. I accepted his apology then and there. But those words had already burrowed down deep.

Fun times with pink polka dot fabric!

I spent the next few months with a changed perspective of myself. I looked in the mirror naked and that's all I saw -- if only my boobs were a little bigger, I'd be "perfect". I looked into it further and did research on the different methods, materials, procedures, and risks associated with breast implants. Of course, it's a very expensive procedure and I knew I'd be years away from being able to afford it. But maybe one day...

Luckily, I found Joanne Farrell's article instead. She told the story of her decision to enlarge her chest from a modest A-cup to a C-cup. She spoke of the long trial period of jelly bra inserts, the pain of surgery and recovery, and finally, and most truthfully, her regret. She decided on the implants in her 30s but now she was approaching her 50s and there was no denying the natural aging process. However, she still had these fake boobs in her chest and they were no longer congruent with the rest of her body. They looked completely unnatural and almost grotesque and she was unhappy. She had the option of keeping them, or having them surgically removed. Not only would the latter option cost money, follow up procedures to repair the stretched skin would cost even more money, more time, and mean enduring more pain during recovery. After reading all this, I was scared right back into believing that breast implants are not for me.

She ain't about that body hating life!

I started to look at my body differently again. I saw all the things I liked. There were still parts that I didn't like as much as other parts, but I was no longer clouded by someone else's ideals. I saw my body as it is and I felt powerful. More than ever before, it felt powerful to know that this body, with all of its bone, flesh, skin, and hair, belonged to me and I was in control of it. Not to say that I don't ever feel insecure at times; I'm only human. But the experience left me more confident in myself, and my choices and beliefs. So, I hold onto this unpleasant memory for the things that it taught me. I've learned not to take anyone's crap, and if someone has a problem with how you look, they can move along because ain't nobody got time fo' that. If there's anything to be said about it all, it's that you should trust yourself more often. You know yourself best and, more often than not, your instincts are right.

"The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life you want. - Oprah Winfrey": Tracy's Story

I met Tracy through a mutual friend of ours, Brendan. Over the past few months, I have watched her come out of her shell and take on challenges that leave me in awe. I am so happy to have gotten to know her and to have such an inspiring woman in my life. 

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"The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life you want. - Oprah Winfrey": Tracy's Story

My lovely friend, Merissa, suggested I do a guest blog on her weekly challenges blog, and I kept postponing it. Not because I didn't think it’s a good idea; I couldn't figure out what challenge to even write about it. I didn't have weekly challenges and everything felt like it just gradually happened. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Nothing really stood out the same way as when I read Merissa’s blogs, where it felt like I was in awe at what she was able to accomplish. I knew I’d been challenging myself all year and I’d even been told so. So what would I even talk about? Running a 10k? Getting a tattoo? Swimming in Lake Ontario?

But as I hit the one-year mark of when everything started to change, I realized that the challenge I really gave myself, and I would have to quote Oprah Winfrey for this, is to have the courage to live the life you want. 

I made a resolution a year ago. I told myself that I would take a leap forward into the unknown to find something that works for me. Even if people didn't agree, I was still going to go after what I believe in and stand by it. I might end up with nothing or I might end up with everything, but at least I knew I tried my best and that’s all I can really ask of myself. I started going after the things I wanted and living life with no regret.  Putting complete faith and trust in myself and those around me, and rebuilding relationships that matter the most to me. Letting people in, no matter how scary that sounds. And what a difference it has made! For the first time in a long time, I know what it feels like to feel alive.

So what exactly did I decide to do? Well, I decided to pull out the old bucket list and just start crossing things off because I suddenly realized there was no reason I couldn't do these things now. There’s no one and nothing to stop me from accomplishing my goals.

•        Joining a gym/Running a 10k

 

I joined the gym simply because I was at a point where I just couldn’t sit at home anymore. I was antsy and when I stepped into the gym, I was pretty much intimidated by all the machines. So, I went with the good, old treadmill and just started running. I realized how much I missed running and I just kept running. It was my escape from my world, especially when I just started listening to music. This eventually led to me setting the Sporting Life 10k as my goal. It ended up being an amazing experience! I’m so glad that I did it and that my family showed up to support me. 

•          Getting my ears pierced

So, I finally decided to get my ears pierced for the first time, shortly before the end of 2013. I couldn't figu,re out why I haven’t already done it. I think it was mostly due to me thinking it would be painful. But one day on my day off for the holidays, I decided, 'Screw it! I am getting my ears pierced. I think I can handle the pain."

• Getting a tattoo 

I was proud of getting this tattoo and so thankful that the opportunity came when it did. Otherwise, I don’t think I would have had the courage to walk in there by myself. It sounds ironic, considering that my tattoo means 'brave' or 'courageous'. But it was a much needed reminder for myself to be brave when times are tough and to never lose sight of that feeling. 

• Learning how to ride a bike

I gotta thank my friend being patient. I don’t think I ever would have learned to ride a bike without that much needed assistance. I’ve tried twice before this and both times were basically disasters and made me never want to get on a bike again. I also pretty much had to give myself a pep talk every time I was alone and was trying to pedal on my own for two weeks. But I finally got it and can now start training for a triathlon.

• Swimming in Lake Ontario

I have always loved swimming and it was another thing I got back into this year. So, it was a tough pill to swallow when I tried to do the Toronto Island Lake Swim and couldn't finish the race because I was pretty sure I was going to get hypothermia and have to get someone to pull me out of the water. I had to call it a day but I was thankful that my family was there to support me. And while it was a failure, it made me realize that I need to know my limits and that I can always try again and start small and build my way up.

• Treetop trekking

This is always something that I wanted to do but  did not think I was fit enough to do. However, since I’ve been working out all year (or at least trying to), I figured I would give it a try when my friend suggested I go with her. It was definitely a challenge because I never thought I had good balance. So, imagine my reaction when the first thing I see when I get up there is a nice rope for me to walk on to get to the other side. It was fun though. I survived with a few bruises and a bruised ego, but I would definitely do this again.

• Travelling

One of the hardest things that I had to get used to was travelling on my own, but I was glad I did it. It gave me a sense of independence and made me realize that my feeling of being alone was silly. I can be happy on my own, have fun with my family and friends, and take pride in being independent and gaining new experiences.

In a nutshell, that’s what my year has been like and I know in the coming year, there will be more things that will be crossed off my bucket list. I think that it’s safe to say that I’m proud of how far I’ve come in the last year. It definitely wasn’t easy and at the end of 2013, I really wished that the new year would start already. Having the courage to live the life that you want is definitely going to be an ongoing challenge for me. But I will always have a reminder to be brave when things are tough, and knowing that having my family and friends by my side will ensure that I never feel alone.

Also, I have to thank Merissa; whenever times got tough, I knew I wasn't alone and her blogs are just inspiring to anyone who wants to challenge themselves.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright": Meet Charmaine, Madysun and Veronica!

About a month ago, Brass Vixens held its first Pole Performance Night. You have heard a bit about it in Roshelle's blog post. But I know that some of you may still be under the impression that pole dancing is a life changing experience for only a few. You're about to find out just how wrong you are. Meet Charmaine, Madysun and Veronica, three of my gorgeous fellow students at Brass Vixens. I was so touched reading these stories, especially when I realised that despite my perceptions of these strong, beautiful women, they have the same fears, hopes and joys that I do. Our journeys may be different but we all have some baggage that we carry. They also talk about the misconceptions of people outside of the pole dancing community and how they deal with them. I have a new respect for each of these ladies and you will too after reading their stories.

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.- Sally Field": Charmaine's Story

This should totally have been Charmaine's motto!

I started taking pole classes in October 2013 at another studio but felt that studio was lacking good teachers and class options. Then in February 2014 I did a gGogle search and found Brass Vixens. I  immediately downloaded their App and booked my first class and haven't stopped since! I keep coming to Brass Vixens for the amazing teachers, sisterhood atmosphere and the abundance of classes. 

The most important reason why I've stuck to Brass Vixen is because of the vast improvement in my self body image and confidence. I know people will be shocked to find out that I have suffered from poor body image since my early years of dance training. I was always the only black girl with muscular legs, a round booty and was the butt of many jokes from those who didn't share my body type. As I went further and deeper into my dance career,  I was still plagued by the idea of the "ideal body type" for a dancer- being long and skinny with a  flat butt. So, as can be expected, I dieted and did extreme things to try whittle down to a size 0, but that never happened . 

Fast forward to my adult years spent with an amazing man who absolutely loves my juicy tush. He has helped me immensely to over come my foolish body issues. Finding Brass Vixens and having to wear as little clothes as possible to able achieve greater heights on a pole, has broken down so many barriers for me. Also being around amazing, gorgeous, talented woman of all ages, shapes and sizes reaching and achieving the same goals has truly made my body issues dissolve.

 

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Charmaine and Tia!

I've danced and performed my whole life, doing dance studio recitals as a kid, international dance competitions and a Broadway show in my twenties. The past ten years of my life have been really difficult. My mom suffered a long battle with cancer and eventually died. I had major surgery and a horrible miscarriage at fiver and a half months pregnant. I guess I was in retirement for those years until the wonderful Tia started a Pole Performance Troupe at Brass Vixens and I thought, 'Am I really going to perform again??' I truly thought that part of my life was over.

The 'Skin' Troupe aka the 6:30 Troupe of Hotties!

 Performing that night filled my soul with such happiness and hunger for performing opportunities and a realization that I hadn't lost it....this part of my life was just on hold. My husband and friends absolutely loved our performance night. My friends that came had never seen me perform like this and they were completely blown away.

Goofing around: (l-r) Josie (kneeling), Veronics, Tia and Charmaine.

 My favorite moment of the night was when my husband leaned over and whispered to me that he could feel the positive, sensual sisterhood that is Brass Vixens!! I expected that comment coming from my girlfriends but hearing that from a man made me feel like, 'WOW! There is such power in women supporting women."

Sleeping Beauty! Pole dancing is not just about the sexy.

I find I'm always having to explain the whole other side of pole dance. I clear up the misconceptions people have about what we do at Brass Vixens, explaining the athletic side of training on the mighty pole. It's not all about strip tease. I show them videos of the fabulous Tia doing her pole competition routines, as well as videos of the girls and I in her choreo classes. I usually get, 'Ohhh, now I get it.'

Look at her go!

 Brass Vixens/Pole Troupe has changed me by improving my self confidence and quieting my self doubt. I tend now to push myself more using positive reinforcement vs negative. My whole experience with Brass Vixens has only been a life-changing one. Attending classes with so many women of all ages, backgrounds and body types, coming together for a common goal on the mighty pole has inspired me to push my womanhood to its full potential. Also, it has taught me that a woman's sensuality isn't something to be ashamed of. In today's society, women who express their sensuality outwardly are often called 'sluts' or 'whores', and are considered weak. Since joining Brass Vixens, I've only drawn strength, routed in my sensual soul, that feeds confidence into other parts of my life!

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 "Help one another, is part of the religion of sisterhood. ~Louisa May Alcott": Madysun's Story

My extensive background in dance, and a desire to perform made me want to join Tia's performance troupe. After taking her Hip Hop Hotness and Pole Choreo classes, I was pretty addicted.  Best decision ever!! I learned so much, became much stronger and most importantly found myself a part of a beautiful family. I have never been a girl with a lot of girlfriends, but Brass Vixens has a way of helping you overcome even your most deep rooted insecurities.

This last year has been filled with a lot of tragedy and hardship for me. I went through a lot but I always felt supported and able to grow with the help of the girls I met at Brass Vixens. I've never known such an eclectic and empowering group of ladies.

The "Pour It Up" Troupe, aka the 7:30 Troupe of Sexies!

With our fearless and talented leader, Tia!

I stayed in Toronto because of girls like Merissa, Tia and everyone else at this amazing studio. My experiences here have inspired me to pursue teaching dance, preferably at Brass Vixens (*wink, wink* pole and aerial? Maaaybe.) Plus my body is bangin' now that I pole all the time! Aerial helps too. And hip hop!! 

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"Do what you love. F**k everything else. - Jobie Hughes.": Veronica's Story

Gemini, or Outside Leg Hang

 heard about Brass Vixens from a work colleague. She's been pole dancing for a year and was persuading me to try it. She goes to a studio in Brampton. However, she had heard of Brass Vixens and was encouraging me to start going.

I guess the combination of that and the fact I wanted to try something new in my life just pushed me to try it, and I haven't stopped going since my very first class. I love the people in the studio, the supportive female community, and just the fact that it makes me feel athletic, strong, sexy and amazing!

Pike!

I have a dance background. I did ballet for ten years, then jazz for four. I took a break while at university and then went back to jazz, hip hop and contemporary. I was never a professional; just did it for fun! I love dancing and have performed before. It's the absolute best feeling ever. Tia's Pole Performance Troupe was a priceless opportunity for me to do that again. I just had to do it, especially since I'd be dancing with my lovely group of girls from the studio!

I mentioned the performance to some friends and they all wanted to come. But when the time came for me to get tickets for people, I chickened out. I was scared that I would screw it up and people I knew were going to see me. I didn't want to risk it this time around. But I've signed up for the Halloween troupe  and I will DEFINITELY bring everyone that wants to come. I am really excited about it!

Both Troupes! Look at all the sexy loveliness!

It is tough for me to pick a favourite moment from performance night; there were just so many. But I guess that rush- that adrenaline haze before it starts and when you just listen to the very first notes of the song you're dancing to- that thrill is just unbelievable. A close second is knowing people loved it and want to learn to do what you just did with the best group of friends! It really is priceless! For everything else: Mastercard.

Veronica and Charmaine!

I've definitely noticed changes since I joined Brass Vixens. I now have confidence in myself. My self-esteem is so much better than before. I feel like I've started doing something I'm kind of good at, which I have always been searching for. I hopelessly targeted other sports aimlessly in the past and failed spectacularly at them. When I was a kid, I wanted to do gymnastics and cirque, but my mum never let me because 'I was too tall for that and wouldn't be good at it'. So I tried volleyball. And failed. Then basketball. And failed (I couldn't handle the cardio, although I was amazing at scoring). Soccer, baseball, running, biking, swimming. I failed to do well at these too.Now that I've found pole dancing, I've found what really keeps me going. It's the perfect mix of dancing and strength training. 

I felt so useless and weak before but now, I feel like I've found that "thing" that makes me happy!

I know pole dancing can have something of a bad reputation. But I don't really care what people think of what I do. There's always someone thinking,  "Oh, look at her... Is she turning into a slut?" Or "That just doesn't really say anything good about your values and morals." But you know what? I DON'T CARE! 

Sits and Superman!

In life, there's always someone wanting to criticise what you do and hate you for it. It's mostly envy or lack of information. I'm not doing anything wrong, so I refuse to hide it. Whoever doesn't like it needs to 'get with the program' and learn to live in the 21st century. If anyone says something to my face, I just challenge them and make them feel ridiculous for even thinking like that. I think that if we all confronted misinformation and the people who spread it, it would just make it easier and better for all of us. I guess overcoming that  there is a fear of confrontation and of 'what others think of you' but once you've overcome that, it's all good!

Veronica and Tia!

I just want to say that I feel blessed to be a part of the Brass Vixens family. I love our little family! And I hope to keep growing and getting better at pole dancing, so I can help others do the same- boost their confidence, and get themselves out there!