"Love yourself for who you are, and forget about who you are not. - Cassie Parks": Michymi's Story

Michelle is one of those rare gorgeous and talented women whose presence doesn't intimidate. She is humble, a pleasure to be around and will always lift you up when you're down. I am in constant awe of her. Please take a minute to read and share her beautiful story. 

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"I recently read "The A-List" in your Summer 2010 issue. I've had past boyfriends who have never really commented on or made a big deal about how small my breasts are - they are probably a bit less than an A-cup. And I'm OK with my little boobs too. But I started seeing this guy who's into a more buxom figure, and he suggested I should look into implants in the future. I was pretty offended at the time, but I thought about it more and more and was almost convinced that I should someday enhance them. But after reading the article, I felt empowered to keep my original stance because I like my body the way it is. So thank you, Joanne [Farrell], for writing such a truthful piece. I hope it had the same effect on other women in my position. Oh, and he apologized for being insensitive, in case you were wondering."

I wrote this little letter (above) to Fashion magazine in 2010 and it was featured in the October issue. I was about to turn 21 at the time. How exciting to have something I wrote shared with thousands, if not millions, of women across Canada! I held onto this story for a very long time, and I still carry it with me as what some might call "emotional baggage". I'm not particularly fond of this memory, but it's a very important one. It was one of the first times I really felt confident in myself and trusted my own instincts. Not only that, but I realized that I should trust myself more often.

Whenever someone says, "Don't let it bother you" or "Just forget about it", it's always easier said than done. Things that others say, especially those you trust and care about, can really strike deep down in parts that you may not be aware of. The actual words he spoke were, "You'd be perfect if your boobs were a little bigger". When I heard them, we were sitting in a restaurant having lunch. I sat across the table trying to stay calm and feeling slightly offended, saddened, and embarrassed. He didn't immediately realize the impact of his words and only after a very quiet second half of lunch did he realize he'd done something wrong. I accepted his apology then and there. But those words had already burrowed down deep.

Fun times with pink polka dot fabric!

I spent the next few months with a changed perspective of myself. I looked in the mirror naked and that's all I saw -- if only my boobs were a little bigger, I'd be "perfect". I looked into it further and did research on the different methods, materials, procedures, and risks associated with breast implants. Of course, it's a very expensive procedure and I knew I'd be years away from being able to afford it. But maybe one day...

Luckily, I found Joanne Farrell's article instead. She told the story of her decision to enlarge her chest from a modest A-cup to a C-cup. She spoke of the long trial period of jelly bra inserts, the pain of surgery and recovery, and finally, and most truthfully, her regret. She decided on the implants in her 30s but now she was approaching her 50s and there was no denying the natural aging process. However, she still had these fake boobs in her chest and they were no longer congruent with the rest of her body. They looked completely unnatural and almost grotesque and she was unhappy. She had the option of keeping them, or having them surgically removed. Not only would the latter option cost money, follow up procedures to repair the stretched skin would cost even more money, more time, and mean enduring more pain during recovery. After reading all this, I was scared right back into believing that breast implants are not for me.

She ain't about that body hating life!

I started to look at my body differently again. I saw all the things I liked. There were still parts that I didn't like as much as other parts, but I was no longer clouded by someone else's ideals. I saw my body as it is and I felt powerful. More than ever before, it felt powerful to know that this body, with all of its bone, flesh, skin, and hair, belonged to me and I was in control of it. Not to say that I don't ever feel insecure at times; I'm only human. But the experience left me more confident in myself, and my choices and beliefs. So, I hold onto this unpleasant memory for the things that it taught me. I've learned not to take anyone's crap, and if someone has a problem with how you look, they can move along because ain't nobody got time fo' that. If there's anything to be said about it all, it's that you should trust yourself more often. You know yourself best and, more often than not, your instincts are right.

“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.- Ovid": Alix's Story

I met Alix at Paradise Comics about two years ago and we became good friends really quickly. She is a beautiful, tell-it-like-it-is, caring person. As you'll read below, she has a lot to deal with over the past couple of years, and her determination and strength really shine through in her piece. I am so impressed by what she was able to accomplish. I definitely don't think I could finish a 10k in the time she managed with an injured leg! I totally agree with what she said about bad days!

“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.” - Ovid: 

It seems that everyone is doing some sort of challenge. 100 Days of  Happiness! 365 Photo- A- Day Challenge! 1 solid YEAR of challenges! It is impressive that so many people choose to challenge themselves every day. These challenges got me thinking maybe I should do one, or two, but I really didn't know where to begin. 

Perhaps it would be best to give you some background. I broke my foot in October 2012 and have been trying to get back into running at a competitive level ever since. After two fairly significant surgeries, my surgeon told me that I could run but it would be painful. I had the choice of running or not, but really it was a matter of how I was going to cope with my pain. Now, to be honest, I’m an extremely stubborn person, and that really didn't seem like a fair choice to me. I knew I would not be able to run a full marathon, and it will probably take me another 5 years to run a half marathon, but I decided my challenge was not to let my pain be an excuse to stop running, or doing things I love.

I decided I would start small. I thought a five-kilometer race would be the perfect starter race, but I couldn't find one. I was frustrated, ten kilometers seemed like too much, but it was all that was available. So, my first race was the Sporting Life 10k. Let me tell you, training for this was hard! Some days, in the beginning, I could not figure out if I was tired and my foot legitimately hurt, or I was being lazy.But I kept going; I kept running and probably did hurt my foot, even more, in the process. I gave up for a while and became discouraged. I kept reading Merissa’s blog posts and thought to myself, “This is ridiculous. You absolutely can do this, but you’re trying for too much too quickly.” It seemed silly to me that I didn't think of this right away, but I needed to do what I could, work on endurance and create a realistic goal for the race. Training began in earnest four months before the May race (and with no small amount of stubbornness to help me along).

My goal for the race was 1 hour and 30 minutes total time. I decided, it was a good goal, but I wanted to look at the smaller picture. Every week I chose a goal for my runs at the gym. For example, week one my goal was to do 5 km in an hour. Week two, my goal was 5 km in 59 minutes, etc.

I worked hard, and some weeks I failed, I felt discouraged and like my foot would never run the race. The weeks that I achieved my realistic goals, I felt elated and like I could do anything. Finally, race day came and I actually had butterflies I was so nervous. I started the race and noticed all these people running faster than me, running by me and I started bargaining with myself, “Ok, Alix, you can finish the race in two hours. I know you can do two hours… well actually maybe an hour and 50 minutes, you could do it in that time.” 

By the middle of the race, however, all those people who ran past me at the start were starting to lag and I was doing just fine. My final kilometer was the hardest (isn't it always?). My foot was cramping and about to give out when I saw it was the last kilometer. I am 100% positive sheer stubbornness was the reason I finished because I couldn't stop so close to the end. I limped, ran, speed walked and pep talked myself to the finish line. I ran my race and finished in 1 hour, 30 minutes and 40 seconds. I told my boyfriend I was happy; secretly, I was devastated. That extra 40 seconds really upset me, I wanted to be perfect. Even so, I checked out my time for my first 5 kilometers and realized I had finished it in 44 minutes flat. A good building block for my next 5 km race in October.

The extra seconds at the end of my race motivated me to work harder. I started planning my next race and created a goal for it. I did the 30 -Day AB challenge to increase my endurance and created small goals for myself. I've taken on a 30-Day Squat challenge (that is pure evil and makes me grumpy), and make sure I run 5 km at least twice a week. 

Every single challenge I do, I am driven by the fact that my foot still twinges and some days it can be uncomfortable to do anything. On those days, I do rest, but the rest of the time I work hard to complete the goals I have set for myself. But the best part of these challenges has been what they have taught me about myself! Small goals make everything achievable for me, patience is key, and working hard will pay off. The most important thing though is that it is absolutely okay to have a bad day.


Alix SMASH!!!

After watching everyone post their challenges on Facebook and blogs, after seeing so many people’s happiness and determination, it strikes me that no one talks about the bad days. The days you can’t continue. The days that hurt. I feel lucky to know that I have bad days, and more importantly, that I am okay with them. They make me appreciate the good ones even more!