Struggle #3 – Blemishes
My skin has many blemishes
of all kinds. Some of them don’t bother me, like the handful of chicken pox
scars left over from when I was little or the silvery stretch marks zigzag over
my hips and the tops of my thighs—they used to bother me, back when they were
angry red and people, upon seeing them, would ask if I’d been scratched, but
they really don’t any more.
My
stretch marks stopped bothering me a long time ago.
But some of the
blemishes do bother me. Like the cellulite on my thighs that’s been there as
long as I can remember, or the acne that still constantly mars my skin at 25.
In my last post I
discussed my struggles with my legs, but the one thing I didn’t mention is
cellulite. To be honest, I think I’d still hate it if it were on any other part
of my body—in fact, while I quite like my bum, I can guarantee that I hate the
cellulite there—but the fact that it sits heavy on thighs that I already don’t
love, well, that just makes me less inclined to ignore it. I hate the lumpy
unevenness of it, the way it puckers and dimples my skin. Most of the time I
find it easy enough to ignore, but I know I sometimes make concessions to it,
avoiding certain cuts of shorts, or the one pole in class that I know is lit at
an angle that highlights every lump and bump.
I’m
uncomfortable with the visible unevenness of my thighs, even without the help
of really unflattering light.
The worst part about
cellulite is not really what it looks like at all, though. It’s the fact that
it feels like it brands me somehow. I know that neither fitness nor youth are
guarantees against cellulite, but it is hard not to feel that its residence on
my thighs brands me as being out of shape and as not having the body expected
of a twenty-something: that it somehow marks my body as being less perfect than
it is meant to be given my age.
Acne, on the other
hand—which shows up on my face, but is worst on my chest, shoulders, and back—makes
me feel like a teenager. It feels like something I am meant to have outgrown by
now, and I dislike that in many ways it marks the state of my life on my skin.
In particular, it is obvious from the state of my skin when I am going through
a period of stress or unhappiness.
I know lots
of people would hardly consider this acne at all, but I’m incredibly
self-conscious about it!
Inevitably, the more
red welts that appear, the more stressed I become and the less self-confident I
feel, to the point where, on occasion, I've avoided wearing the outfits that
usually make me feel the best because I know I’m not going to feel as good as
I’d like to in them. I try not to let my occasional discomfort over any part of
my body—be it my belly, my thighs, or my acne—keep me from doing or wearing the
things I want, and while I certainly don’t always succeed, I like to think I’m
making progress and letting these things hold me back less than they once did.
Success #3 – Friends
Did you know that
obesity is considered to be “socially contagious”? This is because we typically adopt the
habits—good and bad—of those around us, so whether your friends love eating
fast food or whether they’re gym rats (or both), you’re likely to pick up at
least some of their habits.
For me this has
certainly been true. I’m not saying to ditch the friend with the love of fries
(I am that friend) if you’re trying to lose weight, but for me, at least,
having a group of people who have habits I admire, who can do the things I want
to learn to do, or who share my love of something has been huge. Those are the
people who encourage me constantly, who help me push myself, and who inspire me
to try new things in all aspects of my life, and so those people have been
indispensable in helping me to become comfortable and confident in myself.
I've been lucky enough
to have multiple groups of amazing people who fill this role in my life, and I
am especially lucky that those who I initially knew only at the gym have now
become people I call friends. Now, I am constantly motivated to go to pole
class, not only because I love it, but also because there is accountability,
and, even more than that, because there is a social aspect that I miss when I
am not there.
Chatting
out after Saturday pole class—this happens almost every week, and I love it.
(Pic credit: @Brassvixens Instagram!)
When I am in class,
this group supports me, believes in me, helps me, and cheers me on when I
accomplish something new—and still manages to make me feel good about myself
when I am frustrated at not landing that new move.
In addition to that,
these are people who, simply by being their adventurous and fun-loving selves,
have given me so many opportunities to do and try things that I might not have otherwise—from
going to high tea to like joining an axe-throwing league and playing archery
tag. Things like axe throwing and archery tag may or may not be things I
ultimately excel at, but for someone who has always been fairly reserved and
nervous about trying new things, it is a huge accomplishment to be trying at
all.
Sadly
I have thus far failed to get a picture with the lovely ladies who are in the
league with me, so here’s an action shot instead!
So maybe obesity is
contagious, but there are so many other things that are too, and I've found
that surrounding myself with amazing people, well, it might not necessarily
make me amazing by association, but it certainly helps.
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