"Love yourself for who you are, and forget about who you are not. - Cassie Parks": Michymi's Story

Michelle is one of those rare gorgeous and talented women whose presence doesn't intimidate. She is humble, a pleasure to be around and will always lift you up when you're down. I am in constant awe of her. Please take a minute to read and share her beautiful story. 

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"I recently read "The A-List" in your Summer 2010 issue. I've had past boyfriends who have never really commented on or made a big deal about how small my breasts are - they are probably a bit less than an A-cup. And I'm OK with my little boobs too. But I started seeing this guy who's into a more buxom figure, and he suggested I should look into implants in the future. I was pretty offended at the time, but I thought about it more and more and was almost convinced that I should someday enhance them. But after reading the article, I felt empowered to keep my original stance because I like my body the way it is. So thank you, Joanne [Farrell], for writing such a truthful piece. I hope it had the same effect on other women in my position. Oh, and he apologized for being insensitive, in case you were wondering."

I wrote this little letter (above) to Fashion magazine in 2010 and it was featured in the October issue. I was about to turn 21 at the time. How exciting to have something I wrote shared with thousands, if not millions, of women across Canada! I held onto this story for a very long time, and I still carry it with me as what some might call "emotional baggage". I'm not particularly fond of this memory, but it's a very important one. It was one of the first times I really felt confident in myself and trusted my own instincts. Not only that, but I realized that I should trust myself more often.

Whenever someone says, "Don't let it bother you" or "Just forget about it", it's always easier said than done. Things that others say, especially those you trust and care about, can really strike deep down in parts that you may not be aware of. The actual words he spoke were, "You'd be perfect if your boobs were a little bigger". When I heard them, we were sitting in a restaurant having lunch. I sat across the table trying to stay calm and feeling slightly offended, saddened, and embarrassed. He didn't immediately realize the impact of his words and only after a very quiet second half of lunch did he realize he'd done something wrong. I accepted his apology then and there. But those words had already burrowed down deep.

Fun times with pink polka dot fabric!

I spent the next few months with a changed perspective of myself. I looked in the mirror naked and that's all I saw -- if only my boobs were a little bigger, I'd be "perfect". I looked into it further and did research on the different methods, materials, procedures, and risks associated with breast implants. Of course, it's a very expensive procedure and I knew I'd be years away from being able to afford it. But maybe one day...

Luckily, I found Joanne Farrell's article instead. She told the story of her decision to enlarge her chest from a modest A-cup to a C-cup. She spoke of the long trial period of jelly bra inserts, the pain of surgery and recovery, and finally, and most truthfully, her regret. She decided on the implants in her 30s but now she was approaching her 50s and there was no denying the natural aging process. However, she still had these fake boobs in her chest and they were no longer congruent with the rest of her body. They looked completely unnatural and almost grotesque and she was unhappy. She had the option of keeping them, or having them surgically removed. Not only would the latter option cost money, follow up procedures to repair the stretched skin would cost even more money, more time, and mean enduring more pain during recovery. After reading all this, I was scared right back into believing that breast implants are not for me.

She ain't about that body hating life!

I started to look at my body differently again. I saw all the things I liked. There were still parts that I didn't like as much as other parts, but I was no longer clouded by someone else's ideals. I saw my body as it is and I felt powerful. More than ever before, it felt powerful to know that this body, with all of its bone, flesh, skin, and hair, belonged to me and I was in control of it. Not to say that I don't ever feel insecure at times; I'm only human. But the experience left me more confident in myself, and my choices and beliefs. So, I hold onto this unpleasant memory for the things that it taught me. I've learned not to take anyone's crap, and if someone has a problem with how you look, they can move along because ain't nobody got time fo' that. If there's anything to be said about it all, it's that you should trust yourself more often. You know yourself best and, more often than not, your instincts are right.

"You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it in himself.- Galileo Galilei": Spotlight on Kori and Tia

This week you get to meet two of the instructors at Brass Vixens. Tia and Kori are two of the nicest, most supportive and gorgeous (inside and out) women that I know. In the beginning, they were two huge reasons that I kept coming back and were instrumental in building my confidence in my pole and myself. They will never know (well, they kinda do now) how much of an impact they've had on my life. I love them to bits and very touched by the stories below. 

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"The musician has the most brothers, and the dancer the most sisters- Alexandra Chauran": Kori's Story

There are many similarities between my story and those of the other women of Brass Vixens. Perhaps that's largely responsible for the wonderful camaraderie I experience!



At the time I discovered Brass Vixens, I was intent on finding an exciting and motivating way to get back into shape. I grew up dancing and received my formal education in the fine and performing arts. A chain of events led me to stop performing and turn my focus to art and shoe design. Needless to say, the lack of physical activity from long hours sitting at my desk drawing and designing, combined with my husband's culinary feats resulted in me becoming significantly out of shape! The prolonged absence of physical exertion and expression in my life also left me not a little depressed. Though I have never subscribed to one image of health and beauty, I no longer felt like myself.


Then, one fateful afternoon, walking along Queen Street West, I came upon the Brass Vixens sandwich board. They were offering a fantastic deal on drop in classes. I had been intrigued by pole dancing for some time so I convinced a friend to sign up with me. I was immediately addicted after my first class with Holly Weston! I had been seeking a fresh start and to find a physical discipline I hadn't experienced before and that would therefore carry no preconceived notions or the threat of comparison between my current and previous selves. Pole dancing was it!!

Sassy pole sit.

What kept me returning to Brass Vixens and pole dancing after that introductory class were the results I saw and felt in myself; not only physically but emotionally as well. I experienced a restored sense of confidence and possibility. My body remembered the joy and pleasure of dancing and physical challenge. I felt and continue to feel elated whenever I am pole dancing. The joy is in the journey.

Kori and her fellow instructors (l-r): Tia, Dawn and Kori.

Of course, a vital element in my dedication to Brass Vixens was and is the people; fellow students, staff and instructors. It is a vibrant, diverse, sincere and celebratory community. I have met so many talented, intelligent, capable, strong and inspiring women... and men too! I loved it so much I began working at the studios as an administrator! I wanted to contribute to something that came to mean so much to me and increased my joie de vivre!

First pole performance!

Now, as an instructor, it is an honour for me to be teaching students and hopefully providing them with the same affirming and quality experience I had. It is a privilege to witness their transformations and achievements and to share their joy and pride in all they accomplish. I've had many proud moments since joining the Brass Vixens family. As a student, it was completing my first class and then the first time I inverted. It took a lot of determination to get this booty up over my head!!
As an instructor, it is every time I see a student perfect a move they never imagined they would be able to do. The sparkle I see in their eyes at such a moment is beautiful and priceless. I'm profoundly grateful to share in these successes everyday. They encourage help keep me motivated on my own journey. None of us would be continuing to pole dance if it wasn't for our love of it and that's the common denominator and equalizer for the women of Brass Vixens.

Brass Vixens Float for WorldPride 2014 in Toronto. Kori's on it!

Truly, stopping to read that sandwich board and then having the nerve to attend classes was one of the best things I ever did! It changed my life and brought me into contact with many amazing people.

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"Dance is the hidden language of the soul- Martha Graham": Tia's Story

I wanted to start pole dancing years ago. I remember watching Jenyne Butterfly's pole routine to 'Dog Days are Over' (by Florence and the Machine) and thinking, "This is incredible!" I have been dancing for roughly 21 years and teaching for close to 11 years. Growing up in a competitive dance atmosphere had its ups and downs. I was never the "best" dancer and I was never shown favouritism. In fact, sometimes I felt like I was just never good enough. Well, I let people make me feel like I was just never good enough.

NYC Dance Summit a few years ago: 'I dance whenever I want, wherever I want'.

Dance has always been a huge part of my life. I am positive I was born dancing out of my mother's womb. I love performing and teaching. I believe that you can't live life without some kind of inspiration. When I'm dancing, whether it be in the studio or on a stage, everything else in life vanishes. It's just me and the music.

I joined Brass Vixens over a year ago because of the previously mentioned video. But I joined Brass Vixens well over a year after watching that. I was in a long term relationship and the man I was dating gave me an ultimatum- it was him or pole dancing. I remember being in that relationship and not being able to do or be who I wanted to be. I wasn't allowed to be sexy or show people that I was. Him, and a number of other people thought pole dancing was 'slutty'. I always saw it as an art. I believe being sexy is an art in itself. Safe to say, I grew up and found my self worth and realized that if I can't be in a relationship where someone supports what I love and takes me for who I am, then I would rather be single. Fortunately, I am now in a relationship with the most supportive man I have ever met.

Tia and Dawn!

I  have never been in a studio that is so positive, supportive and encouraging. I owe everything to Brass Vixens. Dawn, my teacher, mentor and friend has given me all the confidence I always pretended to have but really didn't. I would not be where I am today without her love, guidance and support. You will never know how much I love and respect you for all you do, Dawn!

I am so thankful that Shannon (the owner) and Dawn (teacher and boss lady) have given me the opportunity to start teaching there.

Tia and some of her students celebrating the success of the first Pole Performance Night featuring troupes of her students :).

I must say, as much as I love pole dancing, and dancing in general, what inspires me most are the students. Watching students progress technically makes me happy but watching their confidence grow and how strong they become emotionally means the world to me. I live to be inspired and inspire those around me. Knowing that I have inspired other women to be strong and confident really makes me feel like I am doing something right. I would be nothing but empty without the students I teach.

Pole dancing is my world right now. It is because of Brass Vixens that I am not afraid to be sexy. Even if I wanted to get down and dirty on the pole, so what? Dancing how you want to dance does not define who you are; though in my case, I feel that dancing in general is the definition of ME. It is an outlet of expression and expression is healthy. Expression is life. When I'm on the pole- dancing, spinning, climbing, inverting- I feel free.

Knowing I have built the physical strength to do what I am able to do now and knowing that I am capable of making people see the worth in themselves when I teach, well, I feel like a superhero.

I love Brass Vixens and all of the inspirational teachers and students I have met on this journey. 

"Self hate isn't okay at ANY size": Amanda's Story

Trigger warnings: mention of anorexia, low self-esteem and familial pressure. 

I've struggled my entire life to like how I look. I was a string bean growing up; everyone thought I had an eating disorder. Then overnight I sprouted into a hippy, curvy, big busted woman and I was looked at for other reasons. The average woman in the US is a size 12-14 so claiming that my size 7 was large to me seems a bit self-obsessed but, honestly, going from a size 2 to a 7 is a lot to a teenager. It is especially difficult when you are going through puberty and have been “fat shamed” your entire life by your mother; yes, even when I was a size 2. I was taught that in order to lose weight, or like yourself, you must not eat for a month and only live on SlimFast. Anorexia was a must in my family, talked about daily by my mother, and because my sister and I didn't fit the standard that was laid down, we bore the consequences.

 

My frustration only heightened when I hit high school and all these gorgeous popular girls were so much tinier than I was. I learned then that there WAS a fat and skinny and if you didn't conform to societal standard, you were fat. Shopping for clothes no longer seemed enjoyable and I didn't really care much about my appearance. And, then on top of it all, I was sexually assaulted my senior year which pushed me even further into my “I don’t care how I look” phase. It was difficult.

Fast forward to starting to date the man I now call my husband. He has ALWAYS called me beautiful. I started to come out of my shell and become interested in dressing nicely and putting more effort into how I looked. I gained a little more weight but he didn't care because he loved me for who I was, not who I could turn into. I felt like I was finally hitting my stride as an adult.

Then along came a girl just like my mother. My brother in law started to date a girl who, right out of the gate, I disliked. And I honestly didn’t figure out why until about three months into their relationship. She was anorexic and, without saying too much for fear of getting on a soap box, verbally abusive to all those around her, including my husband, brother in law, their parents, and myself. We fought especially hard most days because I had just cut off all contact from my family a few years prior and I really didn’t want to deal with all of it again. It was very frustrating to watch her starve herself and feel helpless about it. It was difficult for me to watch my brother in law, a quiet man and an introvert, cater to her anorexia. None of us really knew how to act. I put on more weight, I think, because I wanted to prove to her that weight didn’t make you who you were. I ended up feeling bad about myself and it was used as a weapon. One of the first things I ever heard her say about me was, “I didn't think your brother would be into chubby girls”. It was like I was right back in my parent’s household.

It was four years later in October 2013, when their marriage was imminent and I had enough of listening to insult after insult about my weight and my appearance, I snapped. June 2013 I had decided I was going to show everyone. I finally put my gym membership to use 3-4 days a week and started to follow my mother’s rules. I ate, but very small amounts. I measured myself every single day. It was also at this time that I finally owned up to my allergies. I’m lactose intolerant and suffer from celiac disease. I went from 142lbs in June to 105lbs in October. I wore a size zero for their wedding and finally felt triumphant.

But it didn’t change anything except my relationship with my husband. I was tired all the time and crabby. I hated eating because it was a way for me to gain weight. I still got made fun of. I felt like I was chasing a unicorn. So, in the new year I started lifting weights. And then I talked to a trainer. I started to transform my body. My husband encouraged it because he admitted he was getting incredibly concerned about my health. I regained 20lbs of healthy weight, mostly muscle. I was informed that the average woman should be between 20-22% body fat and I was at 13% at the beginning of the new year. I was at 14.5% when I got serious with the trainer. I can only imagine what I was at that past October. Each fraction of a percent was celebrated, but it also made me cringe. I felt like I was getting fat again but I kept with it anyway because it meant so much to my trainer and my husband.

From a photoshoot, a few weeks ago.

Currently I love my body, most days. Every curve is celebrated. It’s been an incredibly hard road and I still have problems. I can’t eat until I feel full. Days that I feel bloated are awful for me emotionally. Exercise is still difficult. I find myself looking for a change immediately and if there isn't one? Oh boy. But I eat the calories I’m supposed to, I stay away from foods that I’m allergic to, and I find comfort in myself(or a few gluten free cookies). I’ve begun to model and while that has put a lot of pressure on me emotionally to try and deal with the women who are far skinnier, I try to revel in the fact that I will fill out the clothing just a touch better than they can. 

My progress (l-r): June 2013, November 2013 and March 2014.

I read an article once where a woman who was obese and had lost a lot of weight tried to explain that no one really tells you about the pressures and expectations once you lose weight and it’s true for all sizes. I would never claim to have an eating disorder. I never starved myself calorie-wise and I never purged. I just became obsessed with the image that is flouted in magazines and on television. I wanted to be that person. And now I realize all I really have to be is myself. My body fat is now 16.9%. And it’s difficult writing this but I want everyone to know that you are not alone. You can be amazing  without having to conform to societal norms. So, understand that as I reveal my struggle. I am strong for speaking out about the events that have occurred and the consequences/results. I don’t give a flying fig what anyone else thinks about me now J.

My husband, Joel, and I.

And my husband still calls me beautiful J