"A mother holds her child's hand for a moment and their heart for a lifetime.": Meet the greatest woman I know- My Mumsie.

Mumsie and I, somewhere in Scotland or the Soviet Union. 

Some of you may be wondering why I chose to celebrate mothers in the month of November; after all, Mothers' Day is in May.Well, the reason lies in the picture above. Her name is Dr. Maxine Patricia Parris-Aaron, born November 20th, 1958.


Mumsie chilling at Canada's Wonderland a couple of years ago.

Those of you who are shocked that I would make her exact date of birth public have probably never met me mother. If you had, you'd know she is one of those women who knows that her value as a person, as a woman, isn't dependent on her age. She owns her age. She is proud of it. The same way she is proud of all her struggles and all her achievements. The fact that she doesn't look like she's fifty-six probably helps a bit too :).


Me and Mumsie when I was a wee thing.

There are people that say working mother destroy the home or that a woman can't be an adequate mother or a successful career woman if she pursues both endeavours simultaneously. They argue that the two are mutually exclusive. These people have also clearly never met my mother. Growing up I was always proud of my mother's success outside the home. She is a well-respected veterinarian and expert on agricultural health and development. Much of what she does is absolute gibberish to me, but what she represented for me was the idea that women could be smart and authoritative role models. I never doubted that women could achieve the same sort of success in their careers that men enjoyed because I lived with a shining example of female excellence. I was also privy at an early age to the fact that as woman I would have to work harder and fight more to get the kind of success and respect I desired and, hopefully, deserved. It is a lesson that is reinforced everyday in places like the comic bookstore in which I work, where my opinion and expertise are constantly questioned because I have a vagina instead of a penis. And though I often grow frustrated with the need to prove myself over and over again, I am always reminded that my mother has to do the same in a much more demanding job and for a lot longer than I've been restraining myself from punching chauvinistic pigs, insisting that they need to speak to a man, in the face.


Monique and Mumsie, and some random chick who just popped into the picture, in Chinatown, Toronto.

I also learnt when to speak up and when to be silent from my mother. There are times where standing up for yourself is vital and times when the right thing to do is to let something go, move on and find better. It was also my mother's refusal to give up on people, especially young people, that resulted in me growing up with a s**t-ton of foster sisters and brothers. My childhood taught me that everyone is my equal no matter who they are and where they come from.
I learnt to be responsible and accountable for my actions because my mother not only lead by example, but because she encouraged me to be. Mumsie traveled a lot for work when I hit my teen years and while she always left us in the care of an adult, she always impressed upon us that she expected us to be responsible for ourselves. She hardly bugged me about my homework because she trusted that I'd do what I needed to do to excel at school. She was there when I needed to be reminded that the occasional bad grade didn't define me or decide the parameters for my success in life. She was also there to celebrate every triumph.



Some of the young people from C-HLP, a youth development programme of which my mom is a big part.

My mom is involved in more extra-curricular and youth programme you can think of. She's known as 'Aunty Maxine' to half of the kids in Georgetown. Most of them turn to her for advice and help. If my mother had kept half the money she has donated to charitable causes over the year, she would actually be a multi-millionaire. But she has gotten richer dividends from investing in people, rather than stocks. My faith in people is a direct result of my mother's stubborn refusal to give up on humanity, even when some of her experiences could have understandably caused her to become a heartless and bitter person. It is such an inspiration to see how big her heart is and the difference it has made in so many lives.


Monique, Mumsie and I the night we won our respective categories in the Mother and Daughter Pageant.

My family has a very good reputation back home. Amongst the older generation, my mother's family name carries a certain respect. The minute people over fifty find out I'm a 'Parris', I am treated differently. I am regularly referred to as 'Malcolm Parris' granddaughter'. And while that is an honour, I feel more pride when I am called "Dr. Parris' daughter" (or "Dr. Aaron's daugther", my dad is a well-respected orthopaedic surgeon. I am the black (Arts) sheep of the family lol). Why? Because despite her insistence that my room is always too messy and her dislike of my tattoos and piercings, she is one of the best mothers I know. She has a crazy temper, that both Monique and I inherited. She is entirely too hard on herself and sometimes, on her children. But she is the first person to pull you back up when you've fallen down. To remind you that you have value when you can't see it. To offer you a hand when no one else will. She tells me every day how proud of me she is, how much she loves me, and how lucky she is to have me as a daughter. The truth is, I am lucky to have her for a mother. She has weathered a lot of disappointment and heartbreak in her lifetime and she is still one of warmest, funniest and most generous persons I know. If I grow up to be half the woman she is, the world will be a much better place.

"Love yourself for who you are, and forget about who you are not. - Cassie Parks": Michymi's Story

Michelle is one of those rare gorgeous and talented women whose presence doesn't intimidate. She is humble, a pleasure to be around and will always lift you up when you're down. I am in constant awe of her. Please take a minute to read and share her beautiful story. 

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"I recently read "The A-List" in your Summer 2010 issue. I've had past boyfriends who have never really commented on or made a big deal about how small my breasts are - they are probably a bit less than an A-cup. And I'm OK with my little boobs too. But I started seeing this guy who's into a more buxom figure, and he suggested I should look into implants in the future. I was pretty offended at the time, but I thought about it more and more and was almost convinced that I should someday enhance them. But after reading the article, I felt empowered to keep my original stance because I like my body the way it is. So thank you, Joanne [Farrell], for writing such a truthful piece. I hope it had the same effect on other women in my position. Oh, and he apologized for being insensitive, in case you were wondering."

I wrote this little letter (above) to Fashion magazine in 2010 and it was featured in the October issue. I was about to turn 21 at the time. How exciting to have something I wrote shared with thousands, if not millions, of women across Canada! I held onto this story for a very long time, and I still carry it with me as what some might call "emotional baggage". I'm not particularly fond of this memory, but it's a very important one. It was one of the first times I really felt confident in myself and trusted my own instincts. Not only that, but I realized that I should trust myself more often.

Whenever someone says, "Don't let it bother you" or "Just forget about it", it's always easier said than done. Things that others say, especially those you trust and care about, can really strike deep down in parts that you may not be aware of. The actual words he spoke were, "You'd be perfect if your boobs were a little bigger". When I heard them, we were sitting in a restaurant having lunch. I sat across the table trying to stay calm and feeling slightly offended, saddened, and embarrassed. He didn't immediately realize the impact of his words and only after a very quiet second half of lunch did he realize he'd done something wrong. I accepted his apology then and there. But those words had already burrowed down deep.

Fun times with pink polka dot fabric!

I spent the next few months with a changed perspective of myself. I looked in the mirror naked and that's all I saw -- if only my boobs were a little bigger, I'd be "perfect". I looked into it further and did research on the different methods, materials, procedures, and risks associated with breast implants. Of course, it's a very expensive procedure and I knew I'd be years away from being able to afford it. But maybe one day...

Luckily, I found Joanne Farrell's article instead. She told the story of her decision to enlarge her chest from a modest A-cup to a C-cup. She spoke of the long trial period of jelly bra inserts, the pain of surgery and recovery, and finally, and most truthfully, her regret. She decided on the implants in her 30s but now she was approaching her 50s and there was no denying the natural aging process. However, she still had these fake boobs in her chest and they were no longer congruent with the rest of her body. They looked completely unnatural and almost grotesque and she was unhappy. She had the option of keeping them, or having them surgically removed. Not only would the latter option cost money, follow up procedures to repair the stretched skin would cost even more money, more time, and mean enduring more pain during recovery. After reading all this, I was scared right back into believing that breast implants are not for me.

She ain't about that body hating life!

I started to look at my body differently again. I saw all the things I liked. There were still parts that I didn't like as much as other parts, but I was no longer clouded by someone else's ideals. I saw my body as it is and I felt powerful. More than ever before, it felt powerful to know that this body, with all of its bone, flesh, skin, and hair, belonged to me and I was in control of it. Not to say that I don't ever feel insecure at times; I'm only human. But the experience left me more confident in myself, and my choices and beliefs. So, I hold onto this unpleasant memory for the things that it taught me. I've learned not to take anyone's crap, and if someone has a problem with how you look, they can move along because ain't nobody got time fo' that. If there's anything to be said about it all, it's that you should trust yourself more often. You know yourself best and, more often than not, your instincts are right.

"You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it in himself.- Galileo Galilei": Spotlight on Kori and Tia

This week you get to meet two of the instructors at Brass Vixens. Tia and Kori are two of the nicest, most supportive and gorgeous (inside and out) women that I know. In the beginning, they were two huge reasons that I kept coming back and were instrumental in building my confidence in my pole and myself. They will never know (well, they kinda do now) how much of an impact they've had on my life. I love them to bits and very touched by the stories below. 

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"The musician has the most brothers, and the dancer the most sisters- Alexandra Chauran": Kori's Story

There are many similarities between my story and those of the other women of Brass Vixens. Perhaps that's largely responsible for the wonderful camaraderie I experience!



At the time I discovered Brass Vixens, I was intent on finding an exciting and motivating way to get back into shape. I grew up dancing and received my formal education in the fine and performing arts. A chain of events led me to stop performing and turn my focus to art and shoe design. Needless to say, the lack of physical activity from long hours sitting at my desk drawing and designing, combined with my husband's culinary feats resulted in me becoming significantly out of shape! The prolonged absence of physical exertion and expression in my life also left me not a little depressed. Though I have never subscribed to one image of health and beauty, I no longer felt like myself.


Then, one fateful afternoon, walking along Queen Street West, I came upon the Brass Vixens sandwich board. They were offering a fantastic deal on drop in classes. I had been intrigued by pole dancing for some time so I convinced a friend to sign up with me. I was immediately addicted after my first class with Holly Weston! I had been seeking a fresh start and to find a physical discipline I hadn't experienced before and that would therefore carry no preconceived notions or the threat of comparison between my current and previous selves. Pole dancing was it!!

Sassy pole sit.

What kept me returning to Brass Vixens and pole dancing after that introductory class were the results I saw and felt in myself; not only physically but emotionally as well. I experienced a restored sense of confidence and possibility. My body remembered the joy and pleasure of dancing and physical challenge. I felt and continue to feel elated whenever I am pole dancing. The joy is in the journey.

Kori and her fellow instructors (l-r): Tia, Dawn and Kori.

Of course, a vital element in my dedication to Brass Vixens was and is the people; fellow students, staff and instructors. It is a vibrant, diverse, sincere and celebratory community. I have met so many talented, intelligent, capable, strong and inspiring women... and men too! I loved it so much I began working at the studios as an administrator! I wanted to contribute to something that came to mean so much to me and increased my joie de vivre!

First pole performance!

Now, as an instructor, it is an honour for me to be teaching students and hopefully providing them with the same affirming and quality experience I had. It is a privilege to witness their transformations and achievements and to share their joy and pride in all they accomplish. I've had many proud moments since joining the Brass Vixens family. As a student, it was completing my first class and then the first time I inverted. It took a lot of determination to get this booty up over my head!!
As an instructor, it is every time I see a student perfect a move they never imagined they would be able to do. The sparkle I see in their eyes at such a moment is beautiful and priceless. I'm profoundly grateful to share in these successes everyday. They encourage help keep me motivated on my own journey. None of us would be continuing to pole dance if it wasn't for our love of it and that's the common denominator and equalizer for the women of Brass Vixens.

Brass Vixens Float for WorldPride 2014 in Toronto. Kori's on it!

Truly, stopping to read that sandwich board and then having the nerve to attend classes was one of the best things I ever did! It changed my life and brought me into contact with many amazing people.

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"Dance is the hidden language of the soul- Martha Graham": Tia's Story

I wanted to start pole dancing years ago. I remember watching Jenyne Butterfly's pole routine to 'Dog Days are Over' (by Florence and the Machine) and thinking, "This is incredible!" I have been dancing for roughly 21 years and teaching for close to 11 years. Growing up in a competitive dance atmosphere had its ups and downs. I was never the "best" dancer and I was never shown favouritism. In fact, sometimes I felt like I was just never good enough. Well, I let people make me feel like I was just never good enough.

NYC Dance Summit a few years ago: 'I dance whenever I want, wherever I want'.

Dance has always been a huge part of my life. I am positive I was born dancing out of my mother's womb. I love performing and teaching. I believe that you can't live life without some kind of inspiration. When I'm dancing, whether it be in the studio or on a stage, everything else in life vanishes. It's just me and the music.

I joined Brass Vixens over a year ago because of the previously mentioned video. But I joined Brass Vixens well over a year after watching that. I was in a long term relationship and the man I was dating gave me an ultimatum- it was him or pole dancing. I remember being in that relationship and not being able to do or be who I wanted to be. I wasn't allowed to be sexy or show people that I was. Him, and a number of other people thought pole dancing was 'slutty'. I always saw it as an art. I believe being sexy is an art in itself. Safe to say, I grew up and found my self worth and realized that if I can't be in a relationship where someone supports what I love and takes me for who I am, then I would rather be single. Fortunately, I am now in a relationship with the most supportive man I have ever met.

Tia and Dawn!

I  have never been in a studio that is so positive, supportive and encouraging. I owe everything to Brass Vixens. Dawn, my teacher, mentor and friend has given me all the confidence I always pretended to have but really didn't. I would not be where I am today without her love, guidance and support. You will never know how much I love and respect you for all you do, Dawn!

I am so thankful that Shannon (the owner) and Dawn (teacher and boss lady) have given me the opportunity to start teaching there.

Tia and some of her students celebrating the success of the first Pole Performance Night featuring troupes of her students :).

I must say, as much as I love pole dancing, and dancing in general, what inspires me most are the students. Watching students progress technically makes me happy but watching their confidence grow and how strong they become emotionally means the world to me. I live to be inspired and inspire those around me. Knowing that I have inspired other women to be strong and confident really makes me feel like I am doing something right. I would be nothing but empty without the students I teach.

Pole dancing is my world right now. It is because of Brass Vixens that I am not afraid to be sexy. Even if I wanted to get down and dirty on the pole, so what? Dancing how you want to dance does not define who you are; though in my case, I feel that dancing in general is the definition of ME. It is an outlet of expression and expression is healthy. Expression is life. When I'm on the pole- dancing, spinning, climbing, inverting- I feel free.

Knowing I have built the physical strength to do what I am able to do now and knowing that I am capable of making people see the worth in themselves when I teach, well, I feel like a superhero.

I love Brass Vixens and all of the inspirational teachers and students I have met on this journey. 

"Self hate isn't okay at ANY size": Amanda's Story

Trigger warnings: mention of anorexia, low self-esteem and familial pressure. 

I've struggled my entire life to like how I look. I was a string bean growing up; everyone thought I had an eating disorder. Then overnight I sprouted into a hippy, curvy, big busted woman and I was looked at for other reasons. The average woman in the US is a size 12-14 so claiming that my size 7 was large to me seems a bit self-obsessed but, honestly, going from a size 2 to a 7 is a lot to a teenager. It is especially difficult when you are going through puberty and have been “fat shamed” your entire life by your mother; yes, even when I was a size 2. I was taught that in order to lose weight, or like yourself, you must not eat for a month and only live on SlimFast. Anorexia was a must in my family, talked about daily by my mother, and because my sister and I didn't fit the standard that was laid down, we bore the consequences.

 

My frustration only heightened when I hit high school and all these gorgeous popular girls were so much tinier than I was. I learned then that there WAS a fat and skinny and if you didn't conform to societal standard, you were fat. Shopping for clothes no longer seemed enjoyable and I didn't really care much about my appearance. And, then on top of it all, I was sexually assaulted my senior year which pushed me even further into my “I don’t care how I look” phase. It was difficult.

Fast forward to starting to date the man I now call my husband. He has ALWAYS called me beautiful. I started to come out of my shell and become interested in dressing nicely and putting more effort into how I looked. I gained a little more weight but he didn't care because he loved me for who I was, not who I could turn into. I felt like I was finally hitting my stride as an adult.

Then along came a girl just like my mother. My brother in law started to date a girl who, right out of the gate, I disliked. And I honestly didn’t figure out why until about three months into their relationship. She was anorexic and, without saying too much for fear of getting on a soap box, verbally abusive to all those around her, including my husband, brother in law, their parents, and myself. We fought especially hard most days because I had just cut off all contact from my family a few years prior and I really didn’t want to deal with all of it again. It was very frustrating to watch her starve herself and feel helpless about it. It was difficult for me to watch my brother in law, a quiet man and an introvert, cater to her anorexia. None of us really knew how to act. I put on more weight, I think, because I wanted to prove to her that weight didn’t make you who you were. I ended up feeling bad about myself and it was used as a weapon. One of the first things I ever heard her say about me was, “I didn't think your brother would be into chubby girls”. It was like I was right back in my parent’s household.

It was four years later in October 2013, when their marriage was imminent and I had enough of listening to insult after insult about my weight and my appearance, I snapped. June 2013 I had decided I was going to show everyone. I finally put my gym membership to use 3-4 days a week and started to follow my mother’s rules. I ate, but very small amounts. I measured myself every single day. It was also at this time that I finally owned up to my allergies. I’m lactose intolerant and suffer from celiac disease. I went from 142lbs in June to 105lbs in October. I wore a size zero for their wedding and finally felt triumphant.

But it didn’t change anything except my relationship with my husband. I was tired all the time and crabby. I hated eating because it was a way for me to gain weight. I still got made fun of. I felt like I was chasing a unicorn. So, in the new year I started lifting weights. And then I talked to a trainer. I started to transform my body. My husband encouraged it because he admitted he was getting incredibly concerned about my health. I regained 20lbs of healthy weight, mostly muscle. I was informed that the average woman should be between 20-22% body fat and I was at 13% at the beginning of the new year. I was at 14.5% when I got serious with the trainer. I can only imagine what I was at that past October. Each fraction of a percent was celebrated, but it also made me cringe. I felt like I was getting fat again but I kept with it anyway because it meant so much to my trainer and my husband.

From a photoshoot, a few weeks ago.

Currently I love my body, most days. Every curve is celebrated. It’s been an incredibly hard road and I still have problems. I can’t eat until I feel full. Days that I feel bloated are awful for me emotionally. Exercise is still difficult. I find myself looking for a change immediately and if there isn't one? Oh boy. But I eat the calories I’m supposed to, I stay away from foods that I’m allergic to, and I find comfort in myself(or a few gluten free cookies). I’ve begun to model and while that has put a lot of pressure on me emotionally to try and deal with the women who are far skinnier, I try to revel in the fact that I will fill out the clothing just a touch better than they can. 

My progress (l-r): June 2013, November 2013 and March 2014.

I read an article once where a woman who was obese and had lost a lot of weight tried to explain that no one really tells you about the pressures and expectations once you lose weight and it’s true for all sizes. I would never claim to have an eating disorder. I never starved myself calorie-wise and I never purged. I just became obsessed with the image that is flouted in magazines and on television. I wanted to be that person. And now I realize all I really have to be is myself. My body fat is now 16.9%. And it’s difficult writing this but I want everyone to know that you are not alone. You can be amazing  without having to conform to societal norms. So, understand that as I reveal my struggle. I am strong for speaking out about the events that have occurred and the consequences/results. I don’t give a flying fig what anyone else thinks about me now J.

My husband, Joel, and I.

And my husband still calls me beautiful J

"The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life you want. - Oprah Winfrey": Tracy's Story

I met Tracy through a mutual friend of ours, Brendan. Over the past few months, I have watched her come out of her shell and take on challenges that leave me in awe. I am so happy to have gotten to know her and to have such an inspiring woman in my life. 

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"The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life you want. - Oprah Winfrey": Tracy's Story

My lovely friend, Merissa, suggested I do a guest blog on her weekly challenges blog, and I kept postponing it. Not because I didn't think it’s a good idea; I couldn't figure out what challenge to even write about it. I didn't have weekly challenges and everything felt like it just gradually happened. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Nothing really stood out the same way as when I read Merissa’s blogs, where it felt like I was in awe at what she was able to accomplish. I knew I’d been challenging myself all year and I’d even been told so. So what would I even talk about? Running a 10k? Getting a tattoo? Swimming in Lake Ontario?

But as I hit the one-year mark of when everything started to change, I realized that the challenge I really gave myself, and I would have to quote Oprah Winfrey for this, is to have the courage to live the life you want. 

I made a resolution a year ago. I told myself that I would take a leap forward into the unknown to find something that works for me. Even if people didn't agree, I was still going to go after what I believe in and stand by it. I might end up with nothing or I might end up with everything, but at least I knew I tried my best and that’s all I can really ask of myself. I started going after the things I wanted and living life with no regret.  Putting complete faith and trust in myself and those around me, and rebuilding relationships that matter the most to me. Letting people in, no matter how scary that sounds. And what a difference it has made! For the first time in a long time, I know what it feels like to feel alive.

So what exactly did I decide to do? Well, I decided to pull out the old bucket list and just start crossing things off because I suddenly realized there was no reason I couldn't do these things now. There’s no one and nothing to stop me from accomplishing my goals.

•        Joining a gym/Running a 10k

 

I joined the gym simply because I was at a point where I just couldn’t sit at home anymore. I was antsy and when I stepped into the gym, I was pretty much intimidated by all the machines. So, I went with the good, old treadmill and just started running. I realized how much I missed running and I just kept running. It was my escape from my world, especially when I just started listening to music. This eventually led to me setting the Sporting Life 10k as my goal. It ended up being an amazing experience! I’m so glad that I did it and that my family showed up to support me. 

•          Getting my ears pierced

So, I finally decided to get my ears pierced for the first time, shortly before the end of 2013. I couldn't figu,re out why I haven’t already done it. I think it was mostly due to me thinking it would be painful. But one day on my day off for the holidays, I decided, 'Screw it! I am getting my ears pierced. I think I can handle the pain."

• Getting a tattoo 

I was proud of getting this tattoo and so thankful that the opportunity came when it did. Otherwise, I don’t think I would have had the courage to walk in there by myself. It sounds ironic, considering that my tattoo means 'brave' or 'courageous'. But it was a much needed reminder for myself to be brave when times are tough and to never lose sight of that feeling. 

• Learning how to ride a bike

I gotta thank my friend being patient. I don’t think I ever would have learned to ride a bike without that much needed assistance. I’ve tried twice before this and both times were basically disasters and made me never want to get on a bike again. I also pretty much had to give myself a pep talk every time I was alone and was trying to pedal on my own for two weeks. But I finally got it and can now start training for a triathlon.

• Swimming in Lake Ontario

I have always loved swimming and it was another thing I got back into this year. So, it was a tough pill to swallow when I tried to do the Toronto Island Lake Swim and couldn't finish the race because I was pretty sure I was going to get hypothermia and have to get someone to pull me out of the water. I had to call it a day but I was thankful that my family was there to support me. And while it was a failure, it made me realize that I need to know my limits and that I can always try again and start small and build my way up.

• Treetop trekking

This is always something that I wanted to do but  did not think I was fit enough to do. However, since I’ve been working out all year (or at least trying to), I figured I would give it a try when my friend suggested I go with her. It was definitely a challenge because I never thought I had good balance. So, imagine my reaction when the first thing I see when I get up there is a nice rope for me to walk on to get to the other side. It was fun though. I survived with a few bruises and a bruised ego, but I would definitely do this again.

• Travelling

One of the hardest things that I had to get used to was travelling on my own, but I was glad I did it. It gave me a sense of independence and made me realize that my feeling of being alone was silly. I can be happy on my own, have fun with my family and friends, and take pride in being independent and gaining new experiences.

In a nutshell, that’s what my year has been like and I know in the coming year, there will be more things that will be crossed off my bucket list. I think that it’s safe to say that I’m proud of how far I’ve come in the last year. It definitely wasn’t easy and at the end of 2013, I really wished that the new year would start already. Having the courage to live the life that you want is definitely going to be an ongoing challenge for me. But I will always have a reminder to be brave when things are tough, and knowing that having my family and friends by my side will ensure that I never feel alone.

Also, I have to thank Merissa; whenever times got tough, I knew I wasn't alone and her blogs are just inspiring to anyone who wants to challenge themselves.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright": Meet Charmaine, Madysun and Veronica!

About a month ago, Brass Vixens held its first Pole Performance Night. You have heard a bit about it in Roshelle's blog post. But I know that some of you may still be under the impression that pole dancing is a life changing experience for only a few. You're about to find out just how wrong you are. Meet Charmaine, Madysun and Veronica, three of my gorgeous fellow students at Brass Vixens. I was so touched reading these stories, especially when I realised that despite my perceptions of these strong, beautiful women, they have the same fears, hopes and joys that I do. Our journeys may be different but we all have some baggage that we carry. They also talk about the misconceptions of people outside of the pole dancing community and how they deal with them. I have a new respect for each of these ladies and you will too after reading their stories.

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.- Sally Field": Charmaine's Story

This should totally have been Charmaine's motto!

I started taking pole classes in October 2013 at another studio but felt that studio was lacking good teachers and class options. Then in February 2014 I did a gGogle search and found Brass Vixens. I  immediately downloaded their App and booked my first class and haven't stopped since! I keep coming to Brass Vixens for the amazing teachers, sisterhood atmosphere and the abundance of classes. 

The most important reason why I've stuck to Brass Vixen is because of the vast improvement in my self body image and confidence. I know people will be shocked to find out that I have suffered from poor body image since my early years of dance training. I was always the only black girl with muscular legs, a round booty and was the butt of many jokes from those who didn't share my body type. As I went further and deeper into my dance career,  I was still plagued by the idea of the "ideal body type" for a dancer- being long and skinny with a  flat butt. So, as can be expected, I dieted and did extreme things to try whittle down to a size 0, but that never happened . 

Fast forward to my adult years spent with an amazing man who absolutely loves my juicy tush. He has helped me immensely to over come my foolish body issues. Finding Brass Vixens and having to wear as little clothes as possible to able achieve greater heights on a pole, has broken down so many barriers for me. Also being around amazing, gorgeous, talented woman of all ages, shapes and sizes reaching and achieving the same goals has truly made my body issues dissolve.

 

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Charmaine and Tia!

I've danced and performed my whole life, doing dance studio recitals as a kid, international dance competitions and a Broadway show in my twenties. The past ten years of my life have been really difficult. My mom suffered a long battle with cancer and eventually died. I had major surgery and a horrible miscarriage at fiver and a half months pregnant. I guess I was in retirement for those years until the wonderful Tia started a Pole Performance Troupe at Brass Vixens and I thought, 'Am I really going to perform again??' I truly thought that part of my life was over.

The 'Skin' Troupe aka the 6:30 Troupe of Hotties!

 Performing that night filled my soul with such happiness and hunger for performing opportunities and a realization that I hadn't lost it....this part of my life was just on hold. My husband and friends absolutely loved our performance night. My friends that came had never seen me perform like this and they were completely blown away.

Goofing around: (l-r) Josie (kneeling), Veronics, Tia and Charmaine.

 My favorite moment of the night was when my husband leaned over and whispered to me that he could feel the positive, sensual sisterhood that is Brass Vixens!! I expected that comment coming from my girlfriends but hearing that from a man made me feel like, 'WOW! There is such power in women supporting women."

Sleeping Beauty! Pole dancing is not just about the sexy.

I find I'm always having to explain the whole other side of pole dance. I clear up the misconceptions people have about what we do at Brass Vixens, explaining the athletic side of training on the mighty pole. It's not all about strip tease. I show them videos of the fabulous Tia doing her pole competition routines, as well as videos of the girls and I in her choreo classes. I usually get, 'Ohhh, now I get it.'

Look at her go!

 Brass Vixens/Pole Troupe has changed me by improving my self confidence and quieting my self doubt. I tend now to push myself more using positive reinforcement vs negative. My whole experience with Brass Vixens has only been a life-changing one. Attending classes with so many women of all ages, backgrounds and body types, coming together for a common goal on the mighty pole has inspired me to push my womanhood to its full potential. Also, it has taught me that a woman's sensuality isn't something to be ashamed of. In today's society, women who express their sensuality outwardly are often called 'sluts' or 'whores', and are considered weak. Since joining Brass Vixens, I've only drawn strength, routed in my sensual soul, that feeds confidence into other parts of my life!

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 "Help one another, is part of the religion of sisterhood. ~Louisa May Alcott": Madysun's Story

My extensive background in dance, and a desire to perform made me want to join Tia's performance troupe. After taking her Hip Hop Hotness and Pole Choreo classes, I was pretty addicted.  Best decision ever!! I learned so much, became much stronger and most importantly found myself a part of a beautiful family. I have never been a girl with a lot of girlfriends, but Brass Vixens has a way of helping you overcome even your most deep rooted insecurities.

This last year has been filled with a lot of tragedy and hardship for me. I went through a lot but I always felt supported and able to grow with the help of the girls I met at Brass Vixens. I've never known such an eclectic and empowering group of ladies.

The "Pour It Up" Troupe, aka the 7:30 Troupe of Sexies!

With our fearless and talented leader, Tia!

I stayed in Toronto because of girls like Merissa, Tia and everyone else at this amazing studio. My experiences here have inspired me to pursue teaching dance, preferably at Brass Vixens (*wink, wink* pole and aerial? Maaaybe.) Plus my body is bangin' now that I pole all the time! Aerial helps too. And hip hop!! 

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"Do what you love. F**k everything else. - Jobie Hughes.": Veronica's Story

Gemini, or Outside Leg Hang

 heard about Brass Vixens from a work colleague. She's been pole dancing for a year and was persuading me to try it. She goes to a studio in Brampton. However, she had heard of Brass Vixens and was encouraging me to start going.

I guess the combination of that and the fact I wanted to try something new in my life just pushed me to try it, and I haven't stopped going since my very first class. I love the people in the studio, the supportive female community, and just the fact that it makes me feel athletic, strong, sexy and amazing!

Pike!

I have a dance background. I did ballet for ten years, then jazz for four. I took a break while at university and then went back to jazz, hip hop and contemporary. I was never a professional; just did it for fun! I love dancing and have performed before. It's the absolute best feeling ever. Tia's Pole Performance Troupe was a priceless opportunity for me to do that again. I just had to do it, especially since I'd be dancing with my lovely group of girls from the studio!

I mentioned the performance to some friends and they all wanted to come. But when the time came for me to get tickets for people, I chickened out. I was scared that I would screw it up and people I knew were going to see me. I didn't want to risk it this time around. But I've signed up for the Halloween troupe  and I will DEFINITELY bring everyone that wants to come. I am really excited about it!

Both Troupes! Look at all the sexy loveliness!

It is tough for me to pick a favourite moment from performance night; there were just so many. But I guess that rush- that adrenaline haze before it starts and when you just listen to the very first notes of the song you're dancing to- that thrill is just unbelievable. A close second is knowing people loved it and want to learn to do what you just did with the best group of friends! It really is priceless! For everything else: Mastercard.

Veronica and Charmaine!

I've definitely noticed changes since I joined Brass Vixens. I now have confidence in myself. My self-esteem is so much better than before. I feel like I've started doing something I'm kind of good at, which I have always been searching for. I hopelessly targeted other sports aimlessly in the past and failed spectacularly at them. When I was a kid, I wanted to do gymnastics and cirque, but my mum never let me because 'I was too tall for that and wouldn't be good at it'. So I tried volleyball. And failed. Then basketball. And failed (I couldn't handle the cardio, although I was amazing at scoring). Soccer, baseball, running, biking, swimming. I failed to do well at these too.Now that I've found pole dancing, I've found what really keeps me going. It's the perfect mix of dancing and strength training. 

I felt so useless and weak before but now, I feel like I've found that "thing" that makes me happy!

I know pole dancing can have something of a bad reputation. But I don't really care what people think of what I do. There's always someone thinking,  "Oh, look at her... Is she turning into a slut?" Or "That just doesn't really say anything good about your values and morals." But you know what? I DON'T CARE! 

Sits and Superman!

In life, there's always someone wanting to criticise what you do and hate you for it. It's mostly envy or lack of information. I'm not doing anything wrong, so I refuse to hide it. Whoever doesn't like it needs to 'get with the program' and learn to live in the 21st century. If anyone says something to my face, I just challenge them and make them feel ridiculous for even thinking like that. I think that if we all confronted misinformation and the people who spread it, it would just make it easier and better for all of us. I guess overcoming that  there is a fear of confrontation and of 'what others think of you' but once you've overcome that, it's all good!

Veronica and Tia!

I just want to say that I feel blessed to be a part of the Brass Vixens family. I love our little family! And I hope to keep growing and getting better at pole dancing, so I can help others do the same- boost their confidence, and get themselves out there!