"The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life you want. - Oprah Winfrey": Tracy's Story

I met Tracy through a mutual friend of ours, Brendan. Over the past few months, I have watched her come out of her shell and take on challenges that leave me in awe. I am so happy to have gotten to know her and to have such an inspiring woman in my life. 

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"The only courage you ever need is the courage to live the life you want. - Oprah Winfrey": Tracy's Story

My lovely friend, Merissa, suggested I do a guest blog on her weekly challenges blog, and I kept postponing it. Not because I didn't think it’s a good idea; I couldn't figure out what challenge to even write about it. I didn't have weekly challenges and everything felt like it just gradually happened. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Nothing really stood out the same way as when I read Merissa’s blogs, where it felt like I was in awe at what she was able to accomplish. I knew I’d been challenging myself all year and I’d even been told so. So what would I even talk about? Running a 10k? Getting a tattoo? Swimming in Lake Ontario?

But as I hit the one-year mark of when everything started to change, I realized that the challenge I really gave myself, and I would have to quote Oprah Winfrey for this, is to have the courage to live the life you want. 

I made a resolution a year ago. I told myself that I would take a leap forward into the unknown to find something that works for me. Even if people didn't agree, I was still going to go after what I believe in and stand by it. I might end up with nothing or I might end up with everything, but at least I knew I tried my best and that’s all I can really ask of myself. I started going after the things I wanted and living life with no regret.  Putting complete faith and trust in myself and those around me, and rebuilding relationships that matter the most to me. Letting people in, no matter how scary that sounds. And what a difference it has made! For the first time in a long time, I know what it feels like to feel alive.

So what exactly did I decide to do? Well, I decided to pull out the old bucket list and just start crossing things off because I suddenly realized there was no reason I couldn't do these things now. There’s no one and nothing to stop me from accomplishing my goals.

•        Joining a gym/Running a 10k

 

I joined the gym simply because I was at a point where I just couldn’t sit at home anymore. I was antsy and when I stepped into the gym, I was pretty much intimidated by all the machines. So, I went with the good, old treadmill and just started running. I realized how much I missed running and I just kept running. It was my escape from my world, especially when I just started listening to music. This eventually led to me setting the Sporting Life 10k as my goal. It ended up being an amazing experience! I’m so glad that I did it and that my family showed up to support me. 

•          Getting my ears pierced

So, I finally decided to get my ears pierced for the first time, shortly before the end of 2013. I couldn't figu,re out why I haven’t already done it. I think it was mostly due to me thinking it would be painful. But one day on my day off for the holidays, I decided, 'Screw it! I am getting my ears pierced. I think I can handle the pain."

• Getting a tattoo 

I was proud of getting this tattoo and so thankful that the opportunity came when it did. Otherwise, I don’t think I would have had the courage to walk in there by myself. It sounds ironic, considering that my tattoo means 'brave' or 'courageous'. But it was a much needed reminder for myself to be brave when times are tough and to never lose sight of that feeling. 

• Learning how to ride a bike

I gotta thank my friend being patient. I don’t think I ever would have learned to ride a bike without that much needed assistance. I’ve tried twice before this and both times were basically disasters and made me never want to get on a bike again. I also pretty much had to give myself a pep talk every time I was alone and was trying to pedal on my own for two weeks. But I finally got it and can now start training for a triathlon.

• Swimming in Lake Ontario

I have always loved swimming and it was another thing I got back into this year. So, it was a tough pill to swallow when I tried to do the Toronto Island Lake Swim and couldn't finish the race because I was pretty sure I was going to get hypothermia and have to get someone to pull me out of the water. I had to call it a day but I was thankful that my family was there to support me. And while it was a failure, it made me realize that I need to know my limits and that I can always try again and start small and build my way up.

• Treetop trekking

This is always something that I wanted to do but  did not think I was fit enough to do. However, since I’ve been working out all year (or at least trying to), I figured I would give it a try when my friend suggested I go with her. It was definitely a challenge because I never thought I had good balance. So, imagine my reaction when the first thing I see when I get up there is a nice rope for me to walk on to get to the other side. It was fun though. I survived with a few bruises and a bruised ego, but I would definitely do this again.

• Travelling

One of the hardest things that I had to get used to was travelling on my own, but I was glad I did it. It gave me a sense of independence and made me realize that my feeling of being alone was silly. I can be happy on my own, have fun with my family and friends, and take pride in being independent and gaining new experiences.

In a nutshell, that’s what my year has been like and I know in the coming year, there will be more things that will be crossed off my bucket list. I think that it’s safe to say that I’m proud of how far I’ve come in the last year. It definitely wasn’t easy and at the end of 2013, I really wished that the new year would start already. Having the courage to live the life that you want is definitely going to be an ongoing challenge for me. But I will always have a reminder to be brave when things are tough, and knowing that having my family and friends by my side will ensure that I never feel alone.

Also, I have to thank Merissa; whenever times got tough, I knew I wasn't alone and her blogs are just inspiring to anyone who wants to challenge themselves.

“There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright": Meet Charmaine, Madysun and Veronica!

About a month ago, Brass Vixens held its first Pole Performance Night. You have heard a bit about it in Roshelle's blog post. But I know that some of you may still be under the impression that pole dancing is a life changing experience for only a few. You're about to find out just how wrong you are. Meet Charmaine, Madysun and Veronica, three of my gorgeous fellow students at Brass Vixens. I was so touched reading these stories, especially when I realised that despite my perceptions of these strong, beautiful women, they have the same fears, hopes and joys that I do. Our journeys may be different but we all have some baggage that we carry. They also talk about the misconceptions of people outside of the pole dancing community and how they deal with them. I have a new respect for each of these ladies and you will too after reading their stories.

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.- Sally Field": Charmaine's Story

This should totally have been Charmaine's motto!

I started taking pole classes in October 2013 at another studio but felt that studio was lacking good teachers and class options. Then in February 2014 I did a gGogle search and found Brass Vixens. I  immediately downloaded their App and booked my first class and haven't stopped since! I keep coming to Brass Vixens for the amazing teachers, sisterhood atmosphere and the abundance of classes. 

The most important reason why I've stuck to Brass Vixen is because of the vast improvement in my self body image and confidence. I know people will be shocked to find out that I have suffered from poor body image since my early years of dance training. I was always the only black girl with muscular legs, a round booty and was the butt of many jokes from those who didn't share my body type. As I went further and deeper into my dance career,  I was still plagued by the idea of the "ideal body type" for a dancer- being long and skinny with a  flat butt. So, as can be expected, I dieted and did extreme things to try whittle down to a size 0, but that never happened . 

Fast forward to my adult years spent with an amazing man who absolutely loves my juicy tush. He has helped me immensely to over come my foolish body issues. Finding Brass Vixens and having to wear as little clothes as possible to able achieve greater heights on a pole, has broken down so many barriers for me. Also being around amazing, gorgeous, talented woman of all ages, shapes and sizes reaching and achieving the same goals has truly made my body issues dissolve.

 

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Charmaine and Tia!

I've danced and performed my whole life, doing dance studio recitals as a kid, international dance competitions and a Broadway show in my twenties. The past ten years of my life have been really difficult. My mom suffered a long battle with cancer and eventually died. I had major surgery and a horrible miscarriage at fiver and a half months pregnant. I guess I was in retirement for those years until the wonderful Tia started a Pole Performance Troupe at Brass Vixens and I thought, 'Am I really going to perform again??' I truly thought that part of my life was over.

The 'Skin' Troupe aka the 6:30 Troupe of Hotties!

 Performing that night filled my soul with such happiness and hunger for performing opportunities and a realization that I hadn't lost it....this part of my life was just on hold. My husband and friends absolutely loved our performance night. My friends that came had never seen me perform like this and they were completely blown away.

Goofing around: (l-r) Josie (kneeling), Veronics, Tia and Charmaine.

 My favorite moment of the night was when my husband leaned over and whispered to me that he could feel the positive, sensual sisterhood that is Brass Vixens!! I expected that comment coming from my girlfriends but hearing that from a man made me feel like, 'WOW! There is such power in women supporting women."

Sleeping Beauty! Pole dancing is not just about the sexy.

I find I'm always having to explain the whole other side of pole dance. I clear up the misconceptions people have about what we do at Brass Vixens, explaining the athletic side of training on the mighty pole. It's not all about strip tease. I show them videos of the fabulous Tia doing her pole competition routines, as well as videos of the girls and I in her choreo classes. I usually get, 'Ohhh, now I get it.'

Look at her go!

 Brass Vixens/Pole Troupe has changed me by improving my self confidence and quieting my self doubt. I tend now to push myself more using positive reinforcement vs negative. My whole experience with Brass Vixens has only been a life-changing one. Attending classes with so many women of all ages, backgrounds and body types, coming together for a common goal on the mighty pole has inspired me to push my womanhood to its full potential. Also, it has taught me that a woman's sensuality isn't something to be ashamed of. In today's society, women who express their sensuality outwardly are often called 'sluts' or 'whores', and are considered weak. Since joining Brass Vixens, I've only drawn strength, routed in my sensual soul, that feeds confidence into other parts of my life!

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 "Help one another, is part of the religion of sisterhood. ~Louisa May Alcott": Madysun's Story

My extensive background in dance, and a desire to perform made me want to join Tia's performance troupe. After taking her Hip Hop Hotness and Pole Choreo classes, I was pretty addicted.  Best decision ever!! I learned so much, became much stronger and most importantly found myself a part of a beautiful family. I have never been a girl with a lot of girlfriends, but Brass Vixens has a way of helping you overcome even your most deep rooted insecurities.

This last year has been filled with a lot of tragedy and hardship for me. I went through a lot but I always felt supported and able to grow with the help of the girls I met at Brass Vixens. I've never known such an eclectic and empowering group of ladies.

The "Pour It Up" Troupe, aka the 7:30 Troupe of Sexies!

With our fearless and talented leader, Tia!

I stayed in Toronto because of girls like Merissa, Tia and everyone else at this amazing studio. My experiences here have inspired me to pursue teaching dance, preferably at Brass Vixens (*wink, wink* pole and aerial? Maaaybe.) Plus my body is bangin' now that I pole all the time! Aerial helps too. And hip hop!! 

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"Do what you love. F**k everything else. - Jobie Hughes.": Veronica's Story

Gemini, or Outside Leg Hang

 heard about Brass Vixens from a work colleague. She's been pole dancing for a year and was persuading me to try it. She goes to a studio in Brampton. However, she had heard of Brass Vixens and was encouraging me to start going.

I guess the combination of that and the fact I wanted to try something new in my life just pushed me to try it, and I haven't stopped going since my very first class. I love the people in the studio, the supportive female community, and just the fact that it makes me feel athletic, strong, sexy and amazing!

Pike!

I have a dance background. I did ballet for ten years, then jazz for four. I took a break while at university and then went back to jazz, hip hop and contemporary. I was never a professional; just did it for fun! I love dancing and have performed before. It's the absolute best feeling ever. Tia's Pole Performance Troupe was a priceless opportunity for me to do that again. I just had to do it, especially since I'd be dancing with my lovely group of girls from the studio!

I mentioned the performance to some friends and they all wanted to come. But when the time came for me to get tickets for people, I chickened out. I was scared that I would screw it up and people I knew were going to see me. I didn't want to risk it this time around. But I've signed up for the Halloween troupe  and I will DEFINITELY bring everyone that wants to come. I am really excited about it!

Both Troupes! Look at all the sexy loveliness!

It is tough for me to pick a favourite moment from performance night; there were just so many. But I guess that rush- that adrenaline haze before it starts and when you just listen to the very first notes of the song you're dancing to- that thrill is just unbelievable. A close second is knowing people loved it and want to learn to do what you just did with the best group of friends! It really is priceless! For everything else: Mastercard.

Veronica and Charmaine!

I've definitely noticed changes since I joined Brass Vixens. I now have confidence in myself. My self-esteem is so much better than before. I feel like I've started doing something I'm kind of good at, which I have always been searching for. I hopelessly targeted other sports aimlessly in the past and failed spectacularly at them. When I was a kid, I wanted to do gymnastics and cirque, but my mum never let me because 'I was too tall for that and wouldn't be good at it'. So I tried volleyball. And failed. Then basketball. And failed (I couldn't handle the cardio, although I was amazing at scoring). Soccer, baseball, running, biking, swimming. I failed to do well at these too.Now that I've found pole dancing, I've found what really keeps me going. It's the perfect mix of dancing and strength training. 

I felt so useless and weak before but now, I feel like I've found that "thing" that makes me happy!

I know pole dancing can have something of a bad reputation. But I don't really care what people think of what I do. There's always someone thinking,  "Oh, look at her... Is she turning into a slut?" Or "That just doesn't really say anything good about your values and morals." But you know what? I DON'T CARE! 

Sits and Superman!

In life, there's always someone wanting to criticise what you do and hate you for it. It's mostly envy or lack of information. I'm not doing anything wrong, so I refuse to hide it. Whoever doesn't like it needs to 'get with the program' and learn to live in the 21st century. If anyone says something to my face, I just challenge them and make them feel ridiculous for even thinking like that. I think that if we all confronted misinformation and the people who spread it, it would just make it easier and better for all of us. I guess overcoming that  there is a fear of confrontation and of 'what others think of you' but once you've overcome that, it's all good!

Veronica and Tia!

I just want to say that I feel blessed to be a part of the Brass Vixens family. I love our little family! And I hope to keep growing and getting better at pole dancing, so I can help others do the same- boost their confidence, and get themselves out there!

“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.- Ovid": Alix's Story

I met Alix at Paradise Comics about two years ago and we became good friends really quickly. She is a beautiful, tell-it-like-it-is, caring person. As you'll read below, she has a lot to deal with over the past couple of years, and her determination and strength really shine through in her piece. I am so impressed by what she was able to accomplish. I definitely don't think I could finish a 10k in the time she managed with an injured leg! I totally agree with what she said about bad days!

“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.” - Ovid: 

It seems that everyone is doing some sort of challenge. 100 Days of  Happiness! 365 Photo- A- Day Challenge! 1 solid YEAR of challenges! It is impressive that so many people choose to challenge themselves every day. These challenges got me thinking maybe I should do one, or two, but I really didn't know where to begin. 

Perhaps it would be best to give you some background. I broke my foot in October 2012 and have been trying to get back into running at a competitive level ever since. After two fairly significant surgeries, my surgeon told me that I could run but it would be painful. I had the choice of running or not, but really it was a matter of how I was going to cope with my pain. Now, to be honest, I’m an extremely stubborn person, and that really didn't seem like a fair choice to me. I knew I would not be able to run a full marathon, and it will probably take me another 5 years to run a half marathon, but I decided my challenge was not to let my pain be an excuse to stop running, or doing things I love.

I decided I would start small. I thought a five-kilometer race would be the perfect starter race, but I couldn't find one. I was frustrated, ten kilometers seemed like too much, but it was all that was available. So, my first race was the Sporting Life 10k. Let me tell you, training for this was hard! Some days, in the beginning, I could not figure out if I was tired and my foot legitimately hurt, or I was being lazy.But I kept going; I kept running and probably did hurt my foot, even more, in the process. I gave up for a while and became discouraged. I kept reading Merissa’s blog posts and thought to myself, “This is ridiculous. You absolutely can do this, but you’re trying for too much too quickly.” It seemed silly to me that I didn't think of this right away, but I needed to do what I could, work on endurance and create a realistic goal for the race. Training began in earnest four months before the May race (and with no small amount of stubbornness to help me along).

My goal for the race was 1 hour and 30 minutes total time. I decided, it was a good goal, but I wanted to look at the smaller picture. Every week I chose a goal for my runs at the gym. For example, week one my goal was to do 5 km in an hour. Week two, my goal was 5 km in 59 minutes, etc.

I worked hard, and some weeks I failed, I felt discouraged and like my foot would never run the race. The weeks that I achieved my realistic goals, I felt elated and like I could do anything. Finally, race day came and I actually had butterflies I was so nervous. I started the race and noticed all these people running faster than me, running by me and I started bargaining with myself, “Ok, Alix, you can finish the race in two hours. I know you can do two hours… well actually maybe an hour and 50 minutes, you could do it in that time.” 

By the middle of the race, however, all those people who ran past me at the start were starting to lag and I was doing just fine. My final kilometer was the hardest (isn't it always?). My foot was cramping and about to give out when I saw it was the last kilometer. I am 100% positive sheer stubbornness was the reason I finished because I couldn't stop so close to the end. I limped, ran, speed walked and pep talked myself to the finish line. I ran my race and finished in 1 hour, 30 minutes and 40 seconds. I told my boyfriend I was happy; secretly, I was devastated. That extra 40 seconds really upset me, I wanted to be perfect. Even so, I checked out my time for my first 5 kilometers and realized I had finished it in 44 minutes flat. A good building block for my next 5 km race in October.

The extra seconds at the end of my race motivated me to work harder. I started planning my next race and created a goal for it. I did the 30 -Day AB challenge to increase my endurance and created small goals for myself. I've taken on a 30-Day Squat challenge (that is pure evil and makes me grumpy), and make sure I run 5 km at least twice a week. 

Every single challenge I do, I am driven by the fact that my foot still twinges and some days it can be uncomfortable to do anything. On those days, I do rest, but the rest of the time I work hard to complete the goals I have set for myself. But the best part of these challenges has been what they have taught me about myself! Small goals make everything achievable for me, patience is key, and working hard will pay off. The most important thing though is that it is absolutely okay to have a bad day.


Alix SMASH!!!

After watching everyone post their challenges on Facebook and blogs, after seeing so many people’s happiness and determination, it strikes me that no one talks about the bad days. The days you can’t continue. The days that hurt. I feel lucky to know that I have bad days, and more importantly, that I am okay with them. They make me appreciate the good ones even more! 

For the Love of Pole Dancing - Roshelle's Story

In this first post, my BEAUTIFUL (inside and out) friend, Roshelle, shares her pole dancing journey with us. She highlights her participation in the inaugural Pole Performance Troupe night at Brass Vixens. Roshelle is one of the main reasons I continued to go to Brass Vixens after my intro month. She is personable and genuine. You can't help but love her and she can't help but ensure that you love yourself. I am so happy to have her as my first guest writer on the Everday Women Warriors blog! Enjoy!

For the Love of Pole Dancing:

I first decided to go to Brass Vixens because I’ve always wanted to try pole dancing and because of the other classes that they offer, especially their aerial fitness. I have continued going to Brass Vixens because of the ladies that teach, who make it an inspiring place to be, and because of the ladies who attend, who you can always be yourself around.

Inside Leg Hang

It’s been a little over a year since I joined, but I only started to take the pole classes seriously in January of this year. It took me this long because I was hesitant to be in the classes. I did not look like the other ladies and I felt that I would never be as skillful. It was all in my head. I have become a much stronger and more confident person because of my Brass Vixens family. It was because of this that I decided to join the Pole Performance Troupe.

 

                                                              Superman!

Inverted Straddle/Helicopter

Sleeping Beauty!

I wanted to be part of the Pole Performance Troupe because I thought it was an awesome way to show how I've grown as a pole dancer. It’s been a while since I've done a choreographed routine and I was looking forward to it, especially since it was a pole dance routine. Tia is an amazing dancer, choreographer, and teacher. I didn't have any expectations for the routine but I knew that it was going to be fun, sexy, and amazing. My fellow troupe-mates and I were all at different levels and Tia managed to make each of us feel comfortable with the routine. We were told that we could do our own performance, so my friend, Anna, and I decided to do an additional duet. We finished the choreography the afternoon of the performance. She’ll say otherwise, but the choreo for that routine was mainly Anna’s and it was amazing to be able to bring her creativity to life.

Core group of Sexies!

Just before my Pole Troupe performed to Rihanna's 'Skin'.

I made a Facebook status about the performance and some of my friends came out to watch me. I was a nervous wreck but I was so happy to see them sitting in the audience. They enjoyed the show and hung around afterwards asking me to show them some stuff. I loved that they could see with their own eyes why I enjoy going to the studio and having them there to support me meant more than I could express.

The girls with Tia (in the pink bottoms) after our amazing show!

 That was one of my favourite parts of the experience, having my friends see me in a place where I am happy and confident. Another favourite part of the night was at the end of my performances. I was a bag of nerves before and after each performance, and I messed up a couple of times. However, right at the end of each of them, where everyone was clapping and cheering, was my a moment I absolutely loved. If you've ever performed, you know that natural high you feel once you've finished your set. That’s exactly how I felt at the end of the night; I was on cloud nine.

(Merissa dropping in to say, "LOOK AT ALL THE SEXY!!!")

I have definitely changed since joining Brass Vixens. I don’t remember the last time I've looked this good. I have never had any sort of confidence in myself until I started going here. I can proudly say that I am a strong, confident, and sexy woman and it is because of the ladies who work at and/or attend Brass Vixens. They may or may not know this, but they were one of the reasons that kept me from going back to that dark place in my head. I said above that I only started taking the pole dancing classes seriously in January. The other reason I started to take more classes at that time is because I had a lot more time on my hands. I was off work in the winter because my seasonal job had ended. I traveled for a bit when I was no longer working and I expected to have some sort of income when I got back. That never materialized. I was told by a couple of different places that I didn’t get the job I wanted abroad, I had trouble finding another job here, and to top it off I had to put the pieces of my heart back together.

Some of the BV ladies and myself with Blue from Ex-Wixes of Rock.

That darkness inside of me is a scary place to be and I knew I was heading in that direction. I have a strong support system, both here and abroad, yet I failed to see them because of the pain I was in. I felt useless, unhappy, and unloved but I had just renewed my membership with the studio. So instead of staying at home all day, I decided to take as many classes as I could so I would at least get some fresh, albeit, cold air. I started going there several times a week to keep my mind occupied and to attempt to get in shape. I started to see a difference in my body after a couple of months. Seeing this physical change pushed me to continue to go as often as I could, even when I started working again. What kept me wanting to continue these classes was the sense of community the ladies there  have built. They all truly know how to make you feel good about yourself and they believe in you, even when you don’t. I have a group of women there that I know I can count on. We are all so comfortable with each other. We can talk about anything without  worrying about facing any judgment. We got along right away and it’s been nothing but fun whenever we’re together. I'd become quite guarded around new people but my core group of sexies quickly broke down my wall. One of my friends who came out to see the performance told me that she could sense the empowerment among all of us and saw how it can be seen as a safe space. That is exactly what Brass Vixens is to me; it is my safe space, my happy place. The studio and the ladies there have a special place in my heart.

Inverted Crucifix!

The ladies of Brass Vixens helped to save me from me and showed me how great a person I am. Because of that, I will always defend my love of pole dancing. I have never had the strength, physical and otherwise, that I do now and it is because I can see the positive change in my overall being. This positive changed happened while taking classes at the studio. I still take the other classes that are offered and I still enjoy them but I see my progress the most in my pole classes. A lot of people have said that it’s a great workout, others have wondered why I take these classes, and there have been a few who downright don’t like it. I know that there’s only so much to say when it comes to my love of this type of fitness and that it won’t please everyone. I’m quite okay with that. I have learned to believe in myself in a way that I never have before and I know that it shows.

Silly faces!

Dancing with my Pole Performance Troupe ladies was an amazing night for a few reasons:

- I was surrounded by a group of ladies who had each others’ backs

- We did an amazing job performing some awesome choreography - Tia’s and our own.

- Our friends were able to see why we all love pole dancing and the studio itself

- There was a sense of happiness that could be seen and felt

I’m happy I was able to have this experience and to share it with incredible people!

"The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who’s going to stop me." — Ayn Rand

Hi, everyone!



If you've been following my other blog (http://www.comfortzonechallenge2014.blogspot.ca) you'll know all about my attempts to live my life as fearlessly as possible in 2014. I've had quite a few adventures and met, or had my eyes opened to some of the amazing women in my life.



I've started this blog so that you can get to meet some of them and hear their stories in their own voice. I'll be posting a few blog posts myself/links to posts on my other blog but really this will be a forum for the inspiring women I am lucky to know personally.

I hope you grow to love them as much as I do! And, please, leave feedback because we'd love to hear from you :).